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Some people think that competitive sports have positive effects on teenager education, while others argue that effect is negative. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think that competitive sports have positive effects on teenager education, while others argue that effect is negative. Ajgy1
Keeping our brain activity plays an important role in our brain development. Therefore, many people, especially teenagers choose to attend many diverse, competitive sports in order to keep fit. This leads to an opinion that their course will benefit positively. However, there is others mentions that the effect might be harmful. I personally think that playing sports is both good and bad, and both views will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Sports classes are always included in every school’s curriculum since students have to learn many hours straight. Therefore with physical education classes, help student release stress, keep them healthy, build confidence, enhance teenager’s cooperation with other kids through teamwork. In addition, competitive sports make student become more competitive not only in a specific sport but also in class, give them more motivation to work harder to achieve better goals. Furthermore, sports can help some potential students realize their ability to be the athlete. On the other hand, many others mention that only academic subjects are needed in school, as the cons it brings. For instance, many people believe that sports as a waste of debate time, as distracted, so as the resulting student might fail in an examination. Moreover, it also has influence on student’s confidence and their competitiveness. Being competitive makes them more eager to win, so if they fail someday, they may collapse and disappointed with the results despite their hard-working. And finally, not everyone is perfect, some of them cannot play or have no interest in sport leads to performance not as good as others. To sum up, although playing sport has negative drawbacks, but we cannot underestimate the beneficial effect it brings. Sports need, including in school as to balance study and playing to help them healthy, well-being and relaxing during their development.
Keeping our brain activity plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our brain development.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
choose to attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diverse,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit. This leads to an opinion that their course will benefit
positively
.
However
,
Did you mean "there are others"?
there is others
mentions that the effect might be harmful. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, and both views will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.

Sports classes are always included in every school’s curriculum since
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students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours straight.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
with physical education classes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy, build confidence, enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
’s cooperation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kids through teamwork.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, give them more motivation to work harder to achieve better goals.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
realize their ability to be the athlete.

On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others mention that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic subjects
are needed
in school, as the cons it brings.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a waste of debate time, as distracted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the resulting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
might fail in an examination.
Moreover
, it
also
has influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
confidence and their competitiveness. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more eager to win,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they fail someday, they may collapse and disappointed with the results despite their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working. And
finally
, not everyone is perfect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them cannot play or have no interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
leads to performance not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as others.

To sum up, although playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot underestimate the beneficial effect it brings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
need, including in school as to balance study and playing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them healthy, well-being and relaxing during their development.
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IELTS essay Some people think that competitive sports have positive effects on teenager education, while others argue that effect is negative.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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