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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? wBe2n
These days more and more people have access to the internet and, as a result, there is a fast-rising number of children enjoying playing computer games. That is why computer games became so popular. This essay will discuss the positive aspects of these games and also the negative effects. First of all, computer games are one of the best ways for children to reduce stress and relax. Secondly, as education is becoming more demanding and hard for many young people, these games allow them to temporarily escape from pressure which helps to reduce anxiety. Furthermore, computer games even can develop thinking and problem-solving skills for children which are very useful in real life. The reason is that many games nowadays have become complicated to the extent that it is required to make an effort in learning strategies and finding new ones in order to become better. But on the other hand, there are also a lot of disadvantages. For instance, many children become too addicted to them and they play for hours forgetting about the outside world. In South Korea, the government has banned children from playing after midnight because the effect on education was very negative. In our days many computer games contain violence and, as a consequence, this has led to a growth of the number of crimes inspired by them. To conclude, there are both positive and negative sides of video games. That is why it is very important for children to choose suitable games.
These days more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have access to the internet and,
as a result
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoying playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
That is
why computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
also
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are one of the best ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and relax.
Secondly
, as education is becoming more demanding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, these
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
temporarily
escape from pressure which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
anxiety.
Furthermore
, computer
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games
even can develop thinking and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in real life. The reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
nowadays have become complicated to the extent that it
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort in learning strategies and finding new ones in order to become better.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other hand
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disadvantages.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become too addicted to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they play for hours forgetting about the outside world. In South Korea, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has banned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from playing after midnight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the effect on education was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. In our days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contain violence and, as a consequence, this has led to a growth of the number of crimes inspired by them.

To conclude
, there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
That is
why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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