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there is an excessive number of cars on the road and this leads to many problems. individuals and governments should ensure that public transport plays a more important role in modern life in order to tackle these problems

there is an excessive number of cars on the road and this leads to many problems. individuals and governments should ensure that public transport plays a more important role in modern life in order to tackle these problems pRlwy
These days, the number of people who are moving from villages and smaller towns to large cities in search of better job and better living conditions is growing. As a consequence, the process of urbanization faces some severe challenges. The main issues created by overpopulation are lack of housing, deterioration of air quality and overcrowding transport system. First of all, when moving to the city, the new migrants often encounter the shortage of homes and become the urban poor. Many people are unable to find a place to live in which is a step back for cities` development. Another serious consequence of overcrowding increases the number of environmental problems. An increase in the number of vehicles leads to congestion and traffic jams result in serious pollution problems and increase the number of accidents. Every year one million people die from urban air pollution. According to the World Health Organization, every year in developing countries, 500 thousand people die in road accidents, and 15 million are injured. In terms of solutions, I consider that the government should create adequate infrastructure, including roads, residential buildings, electricity, water and sewerage networks, schools and hospitals. In addition, should strengthen urban governance and improve the lives of the poor and promote equality. In this way, individuals should reduce personal consumption, go vergan, limit flying and share household with others. Also they can join local environmental groups, encouraging them “to connect the dots” between population and the environment and address population issues. To conclude, so the problems caused by the overpopulation of urban areas are considerable problem. However, if governments and individuals are treated as collective responsibility, it is possible that some solutions can be proposed
These days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are moving from villages and smaller towns to large cities in search of better job and better living conditions is growing. As a consequence, the process of urbanization faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe challenges. The main issues created by overpopulation are lack of housing, deterioration of air quality and overcrowding transport system.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when moving to the city, the new migrants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encounter the shortage of homes and become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
poor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to find a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in which is a step back for cities` development. Another serious consequence of overcrowding increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. An increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of vehicles leads to congestion and traffic jams result in serious pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of accidents. Every year one million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
air pollution. According to the World Health Organization, every year in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, 500 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in road accidents, and 15 million
are injured
.

In terms of solutions, I consider that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create adequate infrastructure, including roads, residential buildings, electricity, water and sewerage networks, schools and hospitals.
In addition
, should strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
governance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the poor and promote equality.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this way, individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
personal consumption, go
Possible spelling mistake found.
vergan
, limit flying and share household with others.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
local environmental groups, encouraging them “to connect the dots” between population and the environment and address population issues.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by the overpopulation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas are considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals
are treated
as collective responsibility, it is possible that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions can
be proposed
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IELTS essay there is an excessive number of cars on the road and this leads to many problems. individuals and governments should ensure that public transport plays a more important role in modern life in order to tackle these problems

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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