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There is a long-term debate about whether parents should allow their young children to watch TV advertisement.

There is a long-term debate about whether parents should allow their young children to watch TV advertisement. 7redy
There is a long-term debate about whether parents should allow their young children to watch TV advertisement. Personally, I believe that TV advertisements should be restricted to young childrens. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, TV advertisements sometimes include adult contents, which are very inappropiate for childrens. If they watch those adult contents, then they may ask their parents about those later. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. Oneday one of my little brothers was watching TV. Suddenly, my brother saw a Condom advertisement, which includes some adult contents. After that, he went to my mother to ask about those contents. As a result, an awkward situation took place. Secondly, some TV advertisements include fighting scenes. Whenever children watch those, they try to repeat the same kind of things in the real life. For example, In childhood, I watched TV advertisements which included fighting between two school going childs. After watching thing, I kicked one of my rivals in the same way and broke her hand. After this incident, my parents had to face troubles for this. Finally, at the time of watching TV advertisements, young children learn about many kind of products. Thus, they cry repeatedly for buying those products. This creates a horrible situation for parents. For example, my little brother watched a very high priced chocolate TV advertisement. After watching this he cried everyday for that chocolate. On the other hand, my family was very poor. So, it was quite hard to buy the chocolate for my brother everyday. In conclusion, it can be said that parents should not give permission young children to watch TV advertisements. This is because it may include inappropriate things which young children should not watch.
There is a long-term debate about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
Personally
, I believe that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should
be restricted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
include
adult contents, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
inappropiate
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
those adult contents, then they may ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about those later. My personal experience is a compelling example of this.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Oneday
one of my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brothers
was watching TV.
Suddenly
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a Condom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adult contents. After that, he went to my mother to ask about those contents.
As a result
, an awkward situation took place.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
include
fighting scenes. Whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
those, they try to repeat the same kind of things in the real life.
For example
, In childhood, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which included fighting between two school going
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
. After watching thing, I kicked one of my rivals
in the same way
and broke her hand. After this incident, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had to face troubles for this.

Finally
, at the time of watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn about
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of products.
Thus
, they cry
repeatedly
for buying those products. This creates a horrible situation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high priced chocolate TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. After watching this he cried
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for that chocolate.
On the other hand
, my family was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it was quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the chocolate for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not give permission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
include
inappropriate things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
.
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IELTS essay There is a long-term debate about whether parents should allow their young children to watch TV advertisement.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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