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There has been an increase in the use of mobile phone in recent years. Do you think the advantages of mobile phone use outweigh the disadvantages?

There has been an increase in the use of mobile phone in recent years. Do you think the advantages of mobile phone use outweigh the disadvantages? 2ldnJ
It has been observed that the use of mobile phone is on the rise nowadays. I believe this offer users an advantage. To begin with, the use of this device make communication easy. Interactions between person's can be done faster and effectively especially when they are in different locations. The use of handset has made it possible for managers to keep in touch with there subordinate on field location even when they are out of office at that particular time. For example, I read online that most of the departmental head in the financial institutions in Ghana, now prefer a mobile telephone for official use, due to the fact that they communicate with staff irrespective of the location. In addition, the movable phone can be used to access news in real time. When users subscribe for internet services, these smartphones can be used to read the news online. They also have get entertainment videos from youtude and games too. For instance, I read an article in Punch that says a lots of people this days now prefer to read news on the internet instead of the traditional hard copy newspaper. Furthermore, many people this days now do shopping online with there internet enable smartphones. This is because it safe ones time and it is cheaper. Individuals no longer need to spend money on transportation to buy products in the cities, with the mobile telephone they are able to make orders online. To illustrate, I read a survey on the internet just two weeks ago, it shows that there has been a 35% increase in internet shopping since Konga launch there online shop in 2010 in Nigeria. In conclusion, the advantages of smartphone can not be over emphasized, this is because it make communication easy, people can read news in real time with it and purchasing of goods can be done online with the telephone.
It has
been observed
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phone is on the rise nowadays. I believe this offer users an advantage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
communication easy. Interactions between person's can
be done
faster and
effectively
especially
when they are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of handset has made it possible for managers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
Did you mean "their"?
there
subordinate on field location even when they are out of office at that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
that most of the departmental head in the financial institutions in Ghana,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer a mobile telephone for official
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, due to the fact that they communicate with staff irrespective of the location.

In addition
, the movable phone can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. When users subscribe for internet services, these smartphones can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. They
also
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertainment videos from
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtude
and games too.
For instance
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
an article in Punch that says
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Did you mean "these"?
this
days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet
instead
of the traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copy newspaper.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Did you mean "these"?
this
days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
with
Did you mean "their"?
there
internet enable smartphones. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
The word "safe" is an adjective. Did you mean the verb "save"?
safe
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it is cheaper. Individuals no longer need to spend money on transportation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products in the cities, with the mobile telephone they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
orders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. To illustrate, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
a survey on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two weeks ago, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there has been a 35% increase in internet shopping since
Possible spelling mistake found.
Konga
launch there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shop in 2010 in Nigeria.

In conclusion
, the advantages of smartphone can not be over emphasized, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
communication easy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with it and purchasing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can
be done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
with the telephone.
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IELTS essay There has been an increase in the use of mobile phone in recent years. Do you think the advantages of mobile phone use outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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