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The use of budget government has been in the headline for quite a long time.

The use of budget government has been in the headline for quite a long time. 8gWEk
The use of budget government has been in the headline for quite a long time. Although it appears convincing to many people that the state should invest more in resident’s health and education, i lean towards the idea that their improvements in arts. There are several reasons why arts should be focused on investing. To begin with, the state can enrich residents' mental health, because if the government uses the funds to celebrate art expositions or galleries, people may gain knowledge about a wide range of drawing techniques like the colours or unique color schemes of artists. As a result, their souls and art abilities can be nurtured when they have more opportunities to appreciate artworks, so gradually they improve their imaginations and sense. In addition, the profit of the government may be enhanced by developing tourism through improvements in arts. The reason is, the government can make their country become an ideal tourism destination by investing to upgrade infrastructure qualities and organize annual festivals. For instance, the Carnival of Venice of Italy, which is one of the world-famous festivals, attracts millions participation of tourists so it brings large profits for the economy of this country. Government should spend the budget on health and education for various reasons. The first one is health, the living quality of inhabitants may be raised if the state pays attention to public health. To explain, people may have more chances to approach with the modern and better quality of healthcare, when having well medical facilities, so they will be taken care of their health in a better way and avoid the risk of dangerous diseases. Obviously, their life expectancy will become higher. Secondly, the state can reduce the jobless rate, when education qualities are improved. The reason is, the government may fund programs for training employments so that employees can have high standards of workmanship so companies will have more employee choices. Thus, the national economy can be promoted. In conclusion, my opinion is despite the need for developing arts, the government should spend more budgets for the quality of health and education of the community.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of budget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has been in the headline for quite a long time. Although it appears convincing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should invest more in resident’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
lean towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that their improvements in arts.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be focused
on investing. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can enrich residents' mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the funds to celebrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
expositions or galleries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may gain knowledge about a wide range of drawing techniques like the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
or unique color schemes of artists.
As a result
, their souls and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
abilities can
be nurtured
when they have more opportunities to appreciate artworks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
gradually
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their imaginations and sense.
In addition
, the profit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may
be enhanced
by developing tourism through improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their country become an ideal tourism destination by investing to upgrade infrastructure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
and organize annual festivals.
For instance
, the Carnival of Venice of Italy, which is one of the world-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
festivals, attracts millions participation of tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it brings large profits for the economy of this country.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should spend the budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The
first
one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of inhabitants may
be raised
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "pays'" or "pay's"?
pays
attention to public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have more chances to approach with the modern and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of healthcare, when having well medical facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
be taken
care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in a better way and avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.
Obviously
, their life expectancy will become higher.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the jobless rate, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may fund programs for training employments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that employees can have high standards of workmanship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will have more employee choices.
Thus
, the national economy can
be promoted
.

In conclusion
, my opinion is despite the need for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more budgets for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of the community.
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IELTS essay The use of budget government has been in the headline for quite a long time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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