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There has been a large increase in the amount of children who have mobile phones in recent years. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

There has been a large increase in the amount of children who have mobile phones in recent years. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development. xa31a
To begin with, there are two clear upsides of utilizing mobile phones of children under fifteen. One of them is convenient for online studying. In recent years, the development of technology had a positive affection, especially in education all over the world. For example, searching tools such as Google will support children to explore new knowledge and information relating to their lessons. Therefore, it will make learning easier. In addition, kids can make new friends through social networks. For instance, they utilize their phones to download social media apps (Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter), log in to these apps and find friends of the same age or interests that they want to know and talk to each other. As a result, this way helps children to have beneficial buddies. - On the other hand, the downsides are evident too. Firstly, depending on smartphones too much will cause negative problems and affect harmful children's health. This is due to the fact that they concentrate on modern devices for hours to learn or play games and it is not beneficial for their bodies. For instance, children use their phones from morning to evening and even the whole night. Therefore, focusing too long makes them tired and worse will lead to having eyes problems. Secondly, children will be isolated from the outside world. This is because their parents do not care about their offspring and they let them utilize smartphones all the time. For example, they are too indulgent with their children as well as do not control their offspring’s usage time, their kids keep using mobile phones without fear of parents’ punishment. As a result, they just depend on their phones and do not care more about anything. - In conclusion, both sides of the issue have valid points. In my opinion, using mobile phones can be helpful for children if used correctly.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
upsides of utilizing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under fifteen. One of them is convenient for online studying. In recent years, the development of technology had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
affection,
especially
in education all over the world.
For example
, searching tools such as Google will support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to explore new knowledge and information relating to their lessons.
Therefore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
learning easier.
In addition
, kids can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends through social networks.
For instance
, they utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to download social media apps (Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter), log in to these apps and find friends of the same age or interests that they want to know and talk to each other.
As a result
, this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have beneficial buddies.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
On the other hand
, the downsides are evident too.
Firstly
, depending on smartphones too much will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
problems and affect harmful children's health.
This is due to the fact that
they concentrate on modern devices for hours to learn or play games and it is not beneficial for their bodies.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
from morning to evening and even the whole night.
Therefore
, focusing too long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them tired and worse will lead to having eyes problems.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be isolated
from the outside world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents do not care about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
offspring and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them utilize smartphones all the time.
For example
, they are too indulgent with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as do not control their offspring’s usage time, their kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
without fear of parents’ punishment.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and do not care more about anything.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
In conclusion
, both sides of the issue have valid points. In my opinion, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
.
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IELTS essay There has been a large increase in the amount of children who have mobile phones in recent years. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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