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many people believe that modern technology devices such as smartphone is making young people less intelligent than they were in the past.

many people believe that modern technology devices such as smartphone is making young people less intelligent than they were in the past. WqMe0
People have different views about whether or not young people are becoming less clever than in the past because of modern technology devices such as smartphone. While many people hold the view that technology makes teenagers’ brains working worse, I believe that smartphone, laptop or tablet bring more chances for the young to develop themselves. There are several reasons why numerous people believe that intelligence of young people is affected disadvantageously. To begin, smartphone or laptop is becoming more and more popular and easy to use with everyone, including children. There is a truth that it is not hard to see a child gazing at screen of TV all the time or a teenager spends all free time playing games on smartphone. It is result of many causes such as busy parents of them, no interest with outdoor activities or the irresponsibility and mismanagement of their father and mother. In addition, the technology is developing with an unbelievable speed. As the result, smartphone is gradually replacing many objects and it causes the dependence on technology devices. For instance, instead of buying an alarm clock, we can use clock on the smartphone more conveniently. Contrastingly, I bet that no one can deny the benefits of modern technology in life. Firstly, they are able to connect the Internet, the hugest library that humans have ever invented. Presently, everything we need are available on the Internet and also free, ready for every moment. Secondly, smartphone, tablet is amazing studying instrument because of its flexibility and convenience. For now, the apps developers are making a large number of educational apps for teenagers and with them, students can study everywhere they want. Moreover, in the covid-19 pandemic, technology takes an important part in teaching and studying at home. In conclusion, although I acknowledge that modern technology devices such as smartphone have some disadvantageous effects on the young people, I concede the fact that the intelligence of the youngsters will increase along with the development of technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less clever than in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices such as smartphone. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ brains working worse, I believe that smartphone, laptop or tablet bring more chances for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to develop themselves.

There are several reasons why numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that intelligence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
disadvantageously
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, smartphone or laptop is becoming more and more popular and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
with everyone, including children. There is a truth that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a child gazing at screen of TV all the time or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
spends all free time playing games on smartphone. It is result of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes such as busy parents of them, no interest with outdoor activities or the irresponsibility and mismanagement of their father and mother.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is developing with an unbelievable speed. As the result, smartphone is
gradually
replacing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
objects and it causes the dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices.
For instance
,
instead
of buying an alarm clock, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
clock on the smartphone more
conveniently
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
, I bet that no one can deny the benefits of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in life.
Firstly
, they are able to connect the Internet, the hugest library that humans have ever invented.
Presently
, everything we need are available on the Internet and
also
free, ready for every moment.
Secondly
, smartphone, tablet is amazing studying instrument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its flexibility and convenience. For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the apps developers are making
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
educational apps for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and with them, students can study everywhere they want.
Moreover
, in the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
takes an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in teaching and studying at home.

In conclusion
, although I acknowledge that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices such as smartphone have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantageous effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I concede the fact that the intelligence of the youngsters will increase along with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
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IELTS essay many people believe that modern technology devices such as smartphone is making young people less intelligent than they were in the past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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