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there are various type of music in the world .music reflect the culture of a country ,and is used for several purposes in the society .has the importance of international music increased in your culture discuss?

there are various type of music in the world. music reflect the culture of a country, and is used for several purposes in the society. has the importance of international music increased in your culture discuss? E37nr
It is nevertheless, that music has an important place in every individual's life. These days music is gaining popularity in society. There are several types of music in the world. It has a great impact on the culture of a country and its youth. I would like to give various reasons to explain my point of view on how our society gain interest in international music. To begin with, music is something which relaxes and rejuvenate our mind, Listening listening toit provide us peace, harmony e and refresh your mind. However, globalisation makes individuals travel around the world and explore different cultures. This help communities to get involved in each other culture and customs. For example, the international stars are more popular in our nation India such as Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande and many more. Especially, the youth loves to hear English music and also they are big fans of above-mentioned stars. Eventually, music gain importance in our lives, it is a reflection of a nation's culture. In addition, these days we can clearly see that Bollywood and Punjabi music is gaining popularity all over the world. As these music have millions of international fans. Moreover, this helps us to develop an interest in a various different type of cultures. Individuals are exchanging their traditions and cultures with each other. Hence, music has become an integral part of our society as it represents the identity, taste and entertains mankind. To conclude, music has used for serval purposes. It helps humans to entertain their mind and express their feelings. In fact, it helps to escape the pain from life.
It is
nevertheless
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in every individual's life. These
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is gaining popularity in society. There are several types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the world. It has a great impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of a country and its youth. I would like to give various reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view on how our society gain interest in international music.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is something which relaxes and rejuvenate our mind,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
Listening listening
Possible spelling mistake found.
toit
provide us peace, harmony e and refresh your mind.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individuals travel around the world and explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in each other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and customs.
For example
, the international stars are more popular in our nation India such as Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Especially
, the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to hear English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
also
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fans of above-mentioned stars.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
gain importance in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it is a reflection of a nation's culture.

In addition
, these days we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that Bollywood and Punjabi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is gaining popularity all over the world.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have millions of international fans.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to develop an interest in a various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. Individuals are exchanging their traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
with each other.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has become an integral part of our society as it represents the identity, taste and entertains mankind.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
serval
purposes. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
humans to entertain their mind and express their feelings. In fact, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to escape the pain from life.
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IELTS essay there are various type of music in the world. music reflect the culture of a country, and is used for several purposes in the society. has the importance of international music increased in your culture discuss?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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