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Do you think people notice how advertisements influence their decisions?

Do you think people notice how advertisements influence their decisions? awQXw
There are many people who think that publicity does not influence the moment of buying something, although in my opinion advertising has nowadays the power to change cultures and daily habits in our society. In this essay, I will first discuss why the general public does not notice anything and explain my support for the latter view. An increasing number of people who believe in buying products because they want to own the latest release of iPhone, while the actual phone is working perfectly is a thought of the majority as something natural. The brands work hard to put insights all over the places, we sometimes do not notice but there is publicity even inside the public toilet, and another good example is this massive mass of surgical procedures that make everyone with a square face and people insist that is not a problem, they only change their faces to feel better about themselves. As a result of this people actually see everything about their bodies and environment in a distorted reality and think that they are the problem who needs to change to fit in this perfect “world”. Currently advertisements are on tv, radios, newspaper, internet, shop facade and even in the city buses, we breathe publicity. Furthermore, she studies the behaviour of the society to induce people to not only buy but follow the path that is relevant and lucrative to the market, she guides us to political decisions and contributes to climate change. Advertisements certainly are the key point to how people decide all the steps of life, she creates the necessity of status, to own a lifestyle, money, new products and divides people into social groups. In conclusion, advertisements are powerful and dangerous tools, used by humans to influence and create a kind of purpose in our bubble routine to produce a big amount of money, we found ourselves year after year more and more trapped to her manly after social media was born. In my opinion we are influenced to buy and own things and status all the time by her.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that publicity does not influence the moment of buying something, although in my opinion advertising has nowadays the power to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
cultures and daily habits in our society. In this essay, I will
first
discuss why the
Consider using "public".
general public
does not notice anything and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my support for the latter view.

An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe in buying products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the latest release of iPhone, while the actual phone is working
perfectly
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of the majority as something natural. The brands work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to put insights all over the places, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do not notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is publicity even inside the public toilet, and another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is this massive mass of surgical procedures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone with a square face and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist
that is
not a problem, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their faces to feel better about themselves.
As a result
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everything about their bodies and environment in a distorted reality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are the problem who needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
to fit in this perfect “world”.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
advertisements are on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, radios, newspaper, internet, shop facade and even in the city buses, we breathe publicity.
Furthermore
, she studies the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the society to induce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
follow the path
that is
relevant and lucrative to the market, she guides us to political decisions and contributes to climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. Advertisements
certainly
are the key point to how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide all the steps of life, she creates the necessity of status, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a lifestyle, money, new products and divides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into social groups.

In conclusion
, advertisements are powerful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
tools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by humans to influence and create a kind of purpose in our bubble routine to produce a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of money, we found ourselves year after year more and more trapped to her
manly
after social media
was born
. In my opinion we
are influenced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things and status all the time by her.
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IELTS essay Do you think people notice how advertisements influence their decisions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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