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There are various sports activities available from which people can relax their mind from daily routine. Some people think that intense sports for example sky diving and skiing are harmful and should be banned. I disagree with the given statement, and this essay will discuss both sides in brief.

There are various sports activities available from which people can relax their mind from daily routine. Some people think that intense sports for example sky diving and skiing are harmful and should be banned. I disagree with the given statement, and this essay will mbox8
To begin with, such type of activity can make someone's future too. Highly professional trainers and stuntmen can earn a huge amount from this field. Secondly, sky diving and skiing are performed only after proper training. The fresher who do not know anything about such type of activity are not allowed to do. Also, both sports are performed under guidance only. The criteria are selected by organizers thus no one exposes to harm. Moreover, a safety kit is provided to participants. Additionally, a health checkup is also done for participants of skydiving. Fear such as high phobia can evade by experiencing sky diving. On the other hand, opponents agree that this activity should be banned owing to the fact that they do not like to take any risk to life. Some inhabitants think that this type of sports is highly cost-effective and not everyone can learn this activity. Moreover, these activities are most popular in young ones there for dislike by older people. To conclude, precaution must be taken while performing sky diving and skiing but can not be banned totally.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone's future too.
Highly
professional trainers and stuntmen can earn a huge amount from this field.
Secondly
,
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing
are performed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after proper training. The fresher who do not know anything about such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do.
Also
, both sports
are performed
under guidance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The criteria
are selected
by organizers
thus
no one exposes to harm.
Moreover
, a safety kit
is provided
to participants.
Additionally
, a health checkup is
also
done for participants of skydiving. Fear such as high phobia can evade by experiencing
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
.

On the other hand
, opponents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
should
be banned
owing to the fact that they do not like to take any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this type of sports is
highly
cost-effective and not everyone can learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are most popular in young ones there for dislike by older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, precaution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
while performing
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can not
be banned
totally
.
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IELTS essay There are various sports activities available from which people can relax their mind from daily routine. Some people think that intense sports for example sky diving and skiing are harmful and should be banned. I disagree with the given statement, and this essay will

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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