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There are two opposite perspectives. While some people believe that there is an increasing of dependence, at present, others believe that we are more independent in modern world. This essay is going to focus on both of the views and my opinion.

There are two opposite perspectives. While some people believe that there is an increasing of dependence, at present, others believe that we are more independent in modern world. This essay is going to focus on both of the views and my opinion. LlJMG
There are two opposite perspectives. While some people believe that there is an increasing of dependence, at present, others believe that we are more independent in modern world. This essay is going to focus on both of the views and my opinion. On the one hand, there is the suggestion that we are more dependent on each others. One of the reasons is children nowadays more dependent on their parents or their family. In the past, the number of children who can go to school is limit because people at that time suffered with living cost and children tend to help their parent such as do housework or work at farm. When in modern world, if children would to get a good jobs requiring a high education level and a lot extra responsibility, their parent ought to give our offspring a good education environment. The parent have to hard-work day and night to make ends meet and spend on the education cost. More than that, young people tend to require their parents for economic help when they buy house, pay debit and when they have family, they also reply on their family to take care of their offsprings. On the other hand, others think that we are more independent nowadays because the following reason. We can see that the education opportunity is increasing, we could easily to find the chance to study at a famous university or apply in an international company around the world. Therefore, when young generation decide to enrollment in a university or apply in the company that far away from home, they have to suffer with multiple challenges. For example, there are numerous people have some part-time jobs to pay for their rented house, extra classes or living cost. However, the most important is they have to overwhelming with leaving home and loneliness. More than that, cultural difference is a huge challenge. In my opinion, dependence or independent is based on situation of each other's, and we could not conclude. Because everyone has their own problem and background. We can not say that this person depends on their family too much because they always ask their parent for taking care of their child, while they are the bread-winners, and they can have enough of time for other works. On conclusion, nowadays, people are going to be dependent or independent is the big discussion. However, in my perspective, we could not judge someone if we do not really understand them.
There are two opposite perspectives. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is an increasing of dependence, at present, others believe that we are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
in modern world. This essay is going to focus on both of the views and my opinion.

On the one hand, there is the suggestion that we are more dependent on each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
. One of the reasons is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays more dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In the past, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who can go to school is limit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at that time suffered with living cost and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
such as do housework or work at farm. When in modern world, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs requiring a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level and a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
extra responsibility, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
ought to give our offspring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
environment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work day and night to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and spend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
cost. More than that, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to require their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, pay debit and when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they
also
reply on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to take care of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the following reason. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
opportunity is increasing, we could
easily
to find the chance to study at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
university or apply in an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
around the world.
Therefore
, when young generation decide to enrollment in a university or apply in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that far away from home, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer with multiple challenges.
For example
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time jobs to pay for their rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, extra classes or living cost.
However
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overwhelming with leaving home and loneliness. More than that, cultural difference is a huge challenge. In my opinion, dependence or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
is based
on situation of each other's, and we could not conclude.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problem and background. We can not say that this person depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
for taking care of their child, while they are the bread-winners, and they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
works.

On conclusion, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going to be dependent or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
discussion.
However
, in my perspective, we could not judge someone if we do not
really
understand them.
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IELTS essay There are two opposite perspectives. While some people believe that there is an increasing of dependence, at present, others believe that we are more independent in modern world. This essay is going to focus on both of the views and my opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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