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Preserving culture:some believe people today have no interest in maintaing the traditional culture.

Preserving culture: some believe people today have no interest in maintaing the traditional culture. gD70L
Some homo sapiens advocate that these days people don't like to preserve the traditional culture of their country or region they are living, while some opine that we should act in a way to not to make our culture extinct. I agree with the second idea and I will elucidate my view point with following arguments. Firstly, people do not show affection to their culture mainly because of the globalization to put it differently, being exposed to other cultures may result in degradation of their culture. For example pupil prefer to immigrate to korea because of korean ideals as well as me because tv and social media show the pure and honest pictures of them that's why they gain so much popularity. On the other hand. Some people claim that we should preserve our cultural identity because it shaped our personality like how we respect each other? . It shows our well-being. For example, in our country government and authorities provide a program to save the languages on the edge of extinction although it consume many amount of the budget but saving our identity is crucial. In conclusion, we shouldn't let the factors make us less favor our culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
homo sapiens advocate that these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't like to preserve the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of their country or region they are living, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that we should act in a way
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
extinct. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and I will elucidate my view point with following arguments.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
affection to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the globalization to put it
differently
,
being exposed
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
may result in degradation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
pupil prefer to immigrate to
Possible spelling mistake found.
korea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
korean
ideals
as well
as me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and social media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the pure and honest pictures of them that's why they gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much popularity.
On the other hand
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that we should preserve our cultural identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it shaped our personality like how we respect each other?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
our well-being.
For example
, in our country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and authorities provide a program to save the languages on the edge of extinction although it
Did you mean "consumes"?
consume
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "many amounts".
many amount
of the budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
saving our identity is crucial.
In conclusion
, we shouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us less favor our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
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IELTS essay Preserving culture: some believe people today have no interest in maintaing the traditional culture.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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