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advertisements for children

advertisements for children KWpMR
Advertising is a recent human endeavor. It has developed rapidly and broadcasted worldwide through attractive pictures and unforgotten sounds. However, between all these promotions there are young audiences who are unsuitable for these commercials. In my opinion, advertisements should be prevented on channels that allocate for children. I hold this state because of two perspectives which I will illustrate in the following paragraphs. To begin with, The colours that chosen for the advertisement play a major role when It comes to the effect on children. usually, kids are enticed by colorful items on media, which leads the kids to clamor their parents for what impresses them. My aunt is a compelling example of this, she has a lovely girl who is only four years old. She has a habit which is buying whatever she watched on the television, but when her demand is not accepted she starts yelling and crying for one hour or more. My aunt complains about this issue, she said It requires her to spend the same amount of money satisfying her daughter. We can see It is a trouble that parents face while they nurturing their children. Furthermore, some advertisements are not proper for all age groups. Unfortunately, kids do not mature enough to have the cognitive to recognize between the dangerous and the safe games, so that puts the children at a risk. Taking an example, a long period ago, a tragic accident happened in my neighborhood. five years old boys watched a competitive game, an advertisement for a rope, that requires setting a rope in a high building surface, cling to it, and see who will go down to the street faster. Sadly, both of them have serious injuries and the story raised a warning in public at that time. In conclusion, my disagreement based on these two reasons, It put in them the love for having everything which might be an obstacle for parents. Also, because of the unexpected accidents, parents should keep an eye on their children.
Advertising is a recent human endeavor. It has developed
rapidly
and broadcasted worldwide through attractive pictures and

unforgotten sounds.
However
, between all these promotions there are young audiences who are unsuitable for these commercials.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
on channels

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
allocate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I hold this state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
two


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
perspectives
which I will illustrate in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, The
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
that chosen for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
play

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
major role when It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
usually
, kids

are enticed
by colorful items on media, which leads the kids to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
clamor
their parents for what impresses them. My aunt is a compelling

example of this, she has a lovely girl who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
four years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

She has a habit which is buying whatever she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on the television,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when her demand is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
yelling and crying for

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
hour or more. My aunt complains about this issue, she said It

requires her to spend the same amount of money satisfying her daughter.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
It is a trouble that parents face while
Did you mean "they're nurturing", "they are nurturing", or "they were nurturing"?
they nurturing
their

children.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are not proper for all age groups.

Unfortunately, kids do not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to have the cognitive to

recognize between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and the safe games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that puts

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. Taking an example, a long period ago,

a tragic accident happened in my neighborhood.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
five
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
boys


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a competitive game, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for a rope, that requires

setting a rope in a high building surface, cling to it, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
who

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
will
go down to the street faster.
Sadly
, both of them have serious

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
injuries
and the story raised a warning in public at that time.

In conclusion
, my disagreement based on these two reasons, It put in

them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for having everything which might be an obstacle for

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unexpected accidents, parents should

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay advertisements for children

Essay
  American English
24 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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