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There are those who claim that it is proper to add some obligated activities to the curriculum of secondary students.

There are those who argue that learning a foreign language in the first years of school is better than postponing it to high school. However, learning a new language in different stages of life has its own challenges, it is probably true to say that the benefits of learning in primary school outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, few people would contest that learning new languages put an immense amount of pressure on children in their first years of school. That is to say, when children start primary school, they start a new stage in their life lives that demands a lot of effort in order to overcome obstacles that they face. Also, it is hard for them to cope with a new environment. As a result, putting extra tasks in their curriculum may cause detrimental effects such as anxiety and depression due to lack of time or being in contact with a deluge of homework. On the other hand, although some people hold firmly to the belief that learning a foreign language may cause some minor and major effects such as anxiety, nobody would dispute the fact that we live in a stressful world, so it is more proper to prepare children from their early ages. Furthermore, a recent study indicates that children are avid language learners. In other words, they tend to learn new languages and have a keen mind that is ready for new experiences such as learning a foreign language. Actually, by learning a new language they kill two birds with one stone. Not only do they take the benefits of new adventurous experiences but also, they are provided with a golden opportunity to have extra tools to survive in this competitive world. To sum up, I hold the view that having experiences and learning how to face problems is vital for anyone. As a consequence, although it may have some side-effects, it is essential that children get involved in activities that indoctrinate them on how to address their problems.
There are those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the
first
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is better than postponing it to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages of life has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
challenges, it is
probably
true to say that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would contest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
put an immense amount of pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their
first
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
That is
to say, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
stage in their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort in order to overcome obstacles that they face.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to cope with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment.
As a result
, putting extra tasks in their curriculum may cause detrimental effects such as anxiety and depression due to lack of time or being in contact with a deluge of homework.

On the other hand
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
firmly
to the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor and major effects such as anxiety, nobody would dispute the fact that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a stressful world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is more proper to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from their early ages.
Furthermore
, a recent study indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are avid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
learners.
In other words
, they tend to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and have a keen mind
that is
ready for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Actually, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
they kill two birds with one stone. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they take the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
adventurous experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they
are provided
with a golden opportunity to have extra tools to survive in this competitive world.

To sum up, I hold the view that having experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
how to face problems is vital for anyone. As a consequence, although it may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean “side effects” (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
, it is essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in activities that indoctrinate them on how to address their problems.
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IELTS essay There are those who claim that it is proper to add some obligated activities to the curriculum of secondary students.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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