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There are some people who think that harsh punishment on children is necessary as a way of education. Others believe harsh punishment has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

There are some people who think that harsh punishment on children is necessary as a way of education. Others believe harsh punishment has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion bE003
While it is believed by a school of people that severe punishment is vital as a means of education, others show an opposite viewpoint. This essay aims at discussing both views and expressing the author’s opinion. On the one hand, there are compelling reasons accounting for administering rigorous punishment to children. To begin with, harsh punishment is considered to be an effective educational tool to adjust children’s misguided behaviors. For example, when a child behaves disobediently or disrespectfully towards others, it is crucial that their parents reprimand them timely so that they are apologetic for what they have done and avoid making that mistake again. In addition, strict punishment on children could help children form good habits as well as cultivate their self-discipline. In particular, children, who are incredibly naive and vulnerable, are expected to be negatively influenced by inappropriate amusements such as video games, uncensored movies, social media since they are not fully-fledged enough to resist such temptations. Therefore, punishment acts as a reminder that they should redress the balance of the daily schedule. On the other hand, harsh punishment can do detrimental harm to children as well. Beyond any doubt, there is a fine line between punishment and abuse; therefore, rigorous punishment could easily cross the line and negatively affect children’s health and stifle their imagination. In particular, that parents discipline their children for even minute mistakes can cause neophobia for them. Since they do not dare to experience novelties, they have little likelihood of fostering their creativity and critical thinking skills. Another unexpected effect that children could suffer if being severely punished is that they are likely to commit violence in later years. On account of their tendency to imitate adult’s behaviors, children who are exposed to corporal punishment may regard such aggressive behaviors towards others as accepted social norms. In conclusion, concerning the aforementioned analysis, imposing harsh punishment on children has its pros and cons. It is my personal conviction that punishment should be used in an appropriate way to utilize its benefits as well as alleviate its drawbacks for children.
While it
is believed
by a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is vital as a means of education, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an opposite viewpoint. This essay aims at discussing both views and expressing the author’s opinion.

On the one hand, there are compelling reasons accounting for administering rigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is considered
to be an effective educational tool to adjust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
misguided behaviors.
For example
, when a child behaves
disobediently
or
disrespectfully
towards others, it is crucial that their parents reprimand them timely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are apologetic for what they have done and avoid making that mistake again.
In addition
, strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits
as well
as cultivate their self-discipline.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who are
incredibly
naive and vulnerable, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be
negatively
influenced by inappropriate amusements such as video games, uncensored movies, social media since they are not
fully
-fledged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to resist such temptations.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
acts as a reminder that they should redress the balance of the daily schedule.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can do detrimental harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
. Beyond any doubt, there is a fine line between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
and abuse;
therefore
, rigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
could
easily
cross the line and
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and stifle their imagination.
In particular
, that parents discipline their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for even minute mistakes can cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
neophobia
for them. Since they do not dare to experience novelties, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
likelihood of fostering their creativity and critical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Another unexpected effect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could suffer if being
severely
punished is that they are likely to commit violence in later years. On account of their tendency to imitate adult’s behaviors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are exposed
to corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
may regard such aggressive behaviors towards others as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
social norms.

In conclusion
, concerning the aforementioned analysis, imposing harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has its pros and cons. It is my personal conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
to utilize its benefits
as well
as alleviate its drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay There are some people who think that harsh punishment on children is necessary as a way of education. Others believe harsh punishment has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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