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IELTS essay, topic: Education in financial management should be a mandatory component of the school program, agree/disagree

IELTS essay, topic: Education in financial management should be a mandatory component of the school program, agree/disagree q5d35
The knowledge towards the accountancy should be taught to every individual during there secondary education as it has become an integral part in the contemporary era. I do agree with the former view and shall put forth my arguements to support my views. Accounts being a an extra subject will teach many techniques to survive in todays world even though one has opted for science but should be given this subject as a part of curriculum. There are many advantages as now a days all of our payments are done by the networking sites through our smartphones so, there is always a high risk of indulging into a fraud for example a one time password could be asked by hacker which will lead to a unknown transaction and our account will be nill and there would be no prior notification. So providng such a information at a young age will help the residents in the future as one has to take care for the family and without wealth there is no survival. Even how money is to be managed on different situations should also be included as it is a hard earned money and shall be invested in a good use for the better lifestyle. Although the required information is there on the internet but the knowledge which is gained in the class room and the projects allocated to the students teaches them much more as it becomes a practical practice and one never forgets the concepts however social media at times misleads. Gauging up the whole scenario, it is quite understood that this education should be mandatory in teaching institutes which will help build a better personality and a good status in society.
The knowledge towards the accountancy should
be taught
to every individual during there secondary education as it has become an integral part in the contemporary era. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view and shall put forth my
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguements
to support my views.

Accounts being
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "an" is left.
a an
extra subject will teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
techniques to survive in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world
even though
one has opted for science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this subject as a part of curriculum. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages as
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
all of our payments
are done
by the networking sites through our smartphones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there is always a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of indulging into a fraud
for example
a one time password could
be asked
by hacker which will lead to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unknown transaction and our account will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
nill
and there would be no prior notification.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Possible spelling mistake found.
providng
such
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
information at a young age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the residents in the future as one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take care for the family and without wealth there is no survival.

Even how money is to
be managed
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations should
also
be included
as it is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money and shall
be invested
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the better lifestyle. Although the required information is there on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the knowledge which
is gained
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
room and the projects allocated to the students teaches them much more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
it becomes a practical practice and one never forgets the concepts
however
social media at times misleads.

Gauging up the whole scenario, it is quite understood that this education should be mandatory in teaching institutes which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build a better personality and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
status in society.
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IELTS essay IELTS essay, topic: Education in financial management should be a mandatory component of the school program, agree/disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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