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There are more possibilities in certain jobs and there is nothing we can change about it. Do you agree with that?

There are more possibilities in certain jobs and there is nothing we can change about it. Do you agree with that? 2bMqj
The controversial topic concerning career opportunities is immensely popular with people in different countries all around the world. There has been a lot of debate about whether a wide choice of work places can benefit our society or not, however, I strongly believe that the advantages of work diversity far outweigh the negative sides. This idea will be explored in more detail below. First of all, there are various reasons for considering a career as the most crucial factor in our life. Thus, dealing with the problem at its roots, by improving working conditions, employee would be able to contribute to the enhancement of work relationships between coworkers at the earliest stages. USA is a prime example, where since the introduction of such innovations, productivity has increased for 30%. Furthermore, the fact that promotion opportunities can have a similar effect on the production should also be taken into account. In other words, the consequences of these actions will inevitably result in improving the situation in big companies. According to a recent research, offering promotion for the most prolific workers in Apple has boosted investment in this brand. Considering the aforementioned points, it can be concluded that unless people take places where they work more seriously, it is likely that they will not see any improvement in working conditions.
The controversial topic concerning career opportunities is
immensely
popular with
people
in
different
countries all around the world. There has been
a lot of
debate about whether a wide choice of
work
places can benefit our society or not,
however
, I
strongly
believe that the advantages of
work
diversity far outweigh the
negative
sides. This
idea
will
be explored
in more detail below.

First of all
, there are various reasons for considering a career as the most crucial factor in our life.
Thus
, dealing with the problem at its roots, by improving working conditions, employee would be able to contribute to the enhancement of
work
relationships between coworkers at the earliest stages. USA is a prime example, where since the introduction of such innovations, productivity has increased for 30%.

Furthermore
, the fact that promotion opportunities can have a similar effect on the production should
also
be taken
into account.
In other words
, the consequences of these actions will
inevitably
result in improving the situation in
big
companies
. According to a recent research, offering promotion for the most prolific workers in Apple has boosted investment in this brand.

Considering the aforementioned points, it can
be concluded
that unless
people
take places where they
work
more
seriously
, it is likely that they will not
see
any improvement in working conditions.
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IELTS essay There are more possibilities in certain jobs and there is nothing we can change about it. Do you agree with that?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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