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There are more people moving to the major cities. What are the causes and problems can be caused?

There are more people moving to the major cities. What are the causes and problems can be caused? ElJOr
This day and age, the quality of living plays an essential part in people’s lives. There is a school of thought that an increasing number of people prefer emigrating to modern cities than living in their own town. In the following paragraph, both reasons and approaches will be discussed. There are a number of reasons why people are tending to live in the cities due to its benefits. Firstly, it can not be argued that in modern society, the demand for employment has become higher because of earning a living. Taking China as an example, scientists have proved that 45% of people migrated to major cities to find a good job so that they can make their life become better. Another reason is that by living in the modern city, migrates can access a higher living standard so that the quality of their life can improve mostly. It is easy to understand that when employees find a well-paid job and good environment for their families to live, thus, their life will be improved by the quality of medical and also education. On the other hand, it is noticeable that this trend also has several problems. Many people believe that every important city in each country is face to face with the polluted environment because of overpopulation. It is easy to know that the rate of people who emigrate significantly increases every day can lead to the environment becoming polluted by trash and toxic emissions from the companies. For instance, in Korea, there are a lot of people choosing to live in large cities which lead to the rate of trash has increased day by day. Taking everything into consideration, people are tending to live in another city to get a better life. In my opinion, I suggest that governments should take effective steps to control the development of this trend.
This day and age, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
plays an essential part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. There is a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer emigrating to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
town. In the following paragraph, both reasons and approaches will
be discussed
.

There are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
due to its benefits.
Firstly
, it can not
be argued
that in modern society, the demand for employment has become higher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Taking China as an example, scientists have proved that 45% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrated to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
become better. Another reason is that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the modern city, migrates can access a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mostly
. It is easy to understand that when employees find a well-paid job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for their families to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
,
thus
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by the quality of medical and
also
education.

On the other hand
, it is noticeable that this trend
also
has several problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
city in each country is face to face with the polluted environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of overpopulation. It is easy to know that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who emigrate
significantly
increases every day can lead to the environment becoming polluted by trash and toxic emissions from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, in Korea, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which lead to the rate of trash has increased day by day.

Taking everything into consideration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in another city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion, I suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take effective steps to control the development of this trend.
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IELTS essay There are more people moving to the major cities. What are the causes and problems can be caused?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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