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There are more important factors besides money that make us feel happy.

There are more important factors besides money that make us feel happy. JL6r0
There are more important factors besides money that make us feel happy. The first factor is family. The reason is that family is very important in our life, all family members always make us never feel solitary and alone. They also share all ups and downs in life with us when we get into troubles. We can also receive encouragement from other members in family, which helps us have more motivation. Secondly, having best friends is also a good thing. This is caused by the fact that a good friend always companies with us and encourages us when we feel blue. Furthermore, when we get lost, friends also give us valuable advices. Finally, heath is a very important factor. For example, a person with a lot of money but no health will also find life boring because he can not do the things he wants such as learning or discovering new things.
There are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors
besides
money that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel happy. The
first
factor is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our life, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us never feel solitary and alone. They
also
share all ups and downs in life with us when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into troubles. We can
also
receive encouragement from other members in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us have more motivation.
Secondly
, having best friends is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. This
is caused
by the fact that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with us and encourages us when we feel blue.
Furthermore
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost, friends
also
give us valuable advices.
Finally
, heath is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor.
For example
, a person with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no health will
also
find life boring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he can not do the things he wants such as learning or discovering new things.

IELTS essay There are more important factors besides money that make us feel happy.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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