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There are more and more people nowadays who spend less time on hobbies than before or do not have them at all. I assume the reasons for this are quite obvious: The Era of the Internet and changing priorities to earning more money and achieving career goals. This essay will discuss these causes and cover some possible consequences from them.

There are more and more people nowadays who spend less time on hobbies than before or do not have them at all. I assume the reasons for this are quite obvious: The Era of the Internet and changing priorities to earning more money and achieving career goals. This essay will discuss these causes and cover some possible consequences from them. YyO1m
There are more and more people nowadays who spend less time on hobbies than before or do not have them at all. I assume the reasons for this are quite obvious: The Era of the Internet and changing priorities to earning more money and achieving career goals. This essay will discuss these causes and cover some possible consequences from them. First and furthermore, the Internet allows us to experience various things sitting at home and not trying them in real life. There are a plethora of online activities about every possible activity one can take up, even watch other people trying and reviewing them. For example, many celebrities have social media accounts where they share their life's events with the audience and show how they travel or do extreme sports. It can have not only positive outcomes but negative. Some people will be frustrated that they do not have the ability to try these hobbies, so it can end up in depression and anxiety which leads to lengthy and apathy of ones. Not being able to live that dream life person might give up on one's life and do not try to change it. Another reason for decreasing popularity of hobbies is that people are more career-oriented nowadays, as a result, do not have time for leisure activities. Due to globalization and increasing popularity, people choose jobs that bring them higher profit and financial stability, rarely it is easy and pleasant. In particular, students who work and study at the same time possibly have less time to spend with friends or try new hobbies. As a result, a person might reach the peak of one's ability and have procrastination. Without hobbies, a person feels less satisfied with life and less delighted. In conclusion, although there are fewer people who spend time on hobbies nowadays, they need to find some time for themselves, otherwise, their mental health can be affected by life's pressure.
There are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays who spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or do not have them at all. I assume the reasons for this are quite obvious: The Era of the Internet and changing priorities to earning more money and achieving career goals. This essay will discuss these causes and cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "from". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences from
them.

First
and
furthermore
, the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to experience various things sitting at home and not trying them in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are a plethora of online activities about every possible activity one can take up, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trying and reviewing them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities have social media accounts where they share their life's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
with the audience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how they travel or do extreme sports. It can have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be frustrated
that they do not have the ability to try these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in depression and anxiety which leads to lengthy and apathy of ones. Not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
that dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
person might give up on one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.

Another reason for decreasing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more career-oriented nowadays,
as a result
, do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure activities. Due to globalization and increasing popularity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose jobs that bring them higher profit and financial stability, rarely it is easy and pleasant.
In particular
, students who work and study at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
possibly
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with friends or try new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
As a result
, a person might reach the peak of one's ability and have procrastination. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, a person feels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
satisfied with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
delighted.

In conclusion
, although there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
nowadays, they need to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves,
otherwise
, their mental health can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by life's pressure.
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IELTS essay There are more and more people nowadays who spend less time on hobbies than before or do not have them at all. I assume the reasons for this are quite obvious: The Era of the Internet and changing priorities to earning more money and achieving career goals. This essay will discuss these causes and cover some possible consequences from them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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