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There are more and more old people in many parts of the world. What are the causes of this and what are the solutions.

There are more and more old people in many parts of the world. What are the causes of this and what are the solutions. E3VGM
Demographic trends suggest that today we belong to a graying society. The number of old age persons is extremely high across the world because lots of facilites are provided to them. This essay will describe about the reasons of this situations and solutions in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, one of the major causes is the better health system than past. As in these day a plethora of facilities are available in hospitals such as intra-care unit system, x rays and many others which help to treat the patient in emergency situation. In addition to it, almost every disease are curable and they are diagnosed on their early phases which makes them treatable in short span. For example, advancement in radiography, CT scan and PET scan are able to diagnose the tumors in bud stage. Apart from it, transplant surgeries have saved the life of several individuals. Furthermore, the old age homes which is a valuable step taken by the government, welcome lots of old people to live there without any charges. These houses enhance the growth and living period of every old age individual as they spend time with the other persons of their age. Moreover, some nations have enacted the rules to pay some amount of money to elders for caring. Least but not last, most of the old age person get proper care at home by their youngers amd other family members. To conclude, it is a major sign of a developed country by showing a large number of old age people and advancement in medical system. Additionally, offering presonal funds to old people is also a good objective by which they can take care of himself.
Demographic trends suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we belong to a graying society. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
persons is
extremely
high across the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lots of
Possible spelling mistake found.
facilites
are provided
to them. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
about the reasons of
Did you mean "these"?
this
situations and solutions in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the major causes is the better health system than past. As in
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
a plethora of facilities are available in hospitals such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
intra-care
unit system,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
x rays
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to treat the patient in emergency situation.
In addition
to it, almost every disease are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
curable and
they
are diagnosed
on their early phases which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them treatable in short span.
For example
, advancement in radiography, CT scan and PET scan are able to diagnose the tumors in bud stage. Apart from it, transplant surgeries have saved the life of several individuals.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes which is a valuable step taken by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, welcome lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there without any charges. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
enhance the growth and living period of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
individual as they spend time with the other persons of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations have enacted the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money to elders for caring. Least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not last, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper care at home by their
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
other family members.

To conclude
, it is a major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
by showing
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and advancement in medical system.
Additionally
, offering
Possible spelling mistake found.
presonal
funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
objective by which they can take care of himself.
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IELTS essay There are more and more old people in many parts of the world. What are the causes of this and what are the solutions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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