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there are many motives for people to work. some people think money is most important

there are many motives for people to work. some people think money is most important 9lQjW
Money plays a very vital role in each and everyone's life and for making a pile we have to do work. Some folks have a perspective that money is the most essential. we will be discussing about this line in the further paragraphs and then will be coming to a conclusion. To initiate with, people work hard and the only motive behind their assiduous is the amount of the wealth they earn. I do believe that money can not buy us happiness despite of this, it is still very crucial for our living hood. For instance, father's only motive behind his hard-work is that to keep is family jubilant and to educate his children for that money is required. Furthermore, in my opinion there are myriad of reason to prove people should do work according to their interest because it will indirectly makes them feel satisfied. Earning a money with doing a work of our choice would be an astonished approach. If someone has an interest in the job he or she is doing then, they could definitely give their best in that particular job and this might helps them in future. For Instance, any individual working as a team member might become a manager soon if more interest and input is given. To conclude, I believe that money is essential but, making a pile while doing work of our own choice would be a more better option because it will make us feel contentment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital role in each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
's life and for making a pile we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks have a perspective that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most essential.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
will be
Did you mean simply "discussing this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about this
line in the
further
paragraphs and then will be coming to a conclusion.

To initiate with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motive behind their assiduous is the amount of the wealth they earn. I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
us happiness
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
this, it is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for our living hood.
For instance
, father's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motive behind his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work is that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
is family jubilant and to educate his children for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
.

Furthermore
, in my opinion there are myriad of reason to prove
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
according to their interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
indirectly
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
them feel satisfied. Earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of our choice would be an astonished approach. If someone has an interest in the job he or she is doing then, they could definitely give their best in that particular job and this might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For Instance
, any individual working as a team member might become a manager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
if more interest and input is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, making a pile while doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice would be a
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel contentment.
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IELTS essay there are many motives for people to work. some people think money is most important

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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