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Some people prefer working for a company while others want to be self-employed.

Some people prefer working for a company while others want to be self-employed. XlVpw
In this era of economic development, Juveniles have differing view about whether to work for a business, particular is company but some people state that they have another choice is self employed. I mainly agree with the former view for the following reason. First, it is obvious that a good job requires ample of knowledge and experience to make a great contributions for their project. To have a thriving company, the key is in a moderator. They must be experienced, especially need a certain amount of investment capital. It is not less because it includes many costs, approximately ten of billions of dong and more. Hence, the people who chooses self-employed must spent so much but the risk of new business is also inevitable. On the other hand, an employee of a company with good qualifications is also promoted and has a high salary. In addition, they have many opportunity to experience many working environment with many different positions. It is superior to at a clerks always work in a fixed place but have little opportunity to discover themselves. Through many different jobs, they will be obtain knowledge, practical and professional skills become qualified employees. However, the staff just have the qualifications as the company require without having to invest capital. Hence, it will reduce risks in work as well as less pressure than leaders. For instance, if unfortunately a company falls into trouble and goes bankrupt, the person who is affected and the biggest consequence is the founder of that company. They are responsible for themselves and many people belong to that company. Although they are very excellent, they also suffer from failure and lose a lot of money matters. And employees are only affected a small part, but if they have the ability, they will easily for a job in another company. To sum up, achieving success is not easy, but if a person who have enough capacity and capital to invest and collaborate start up, it will be brave and proud, or someone choose the direction for improve themselves to contribute and boost economic development
In this era of economic development, Juveniles have differing view about whether to work for a business, particular is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that they have another choice is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self employed
. I
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view for the following reason.

First
, it is obvious that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job requires ample of knowledge and experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "contribution"?
contributions
for their project. To have a thriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, the key is in a moderator. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be experienced
,
especially
need a certain amount of investment capital. It is not less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
costs, approximately ten of billions of dong and more.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "choose"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
chooses
self-employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of new business is
also
inevitable.

On the other hand
, an employee of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualifications is
also
promoted and has a high salary.
In addition
, they have
Possible agreement error. The noun opportunity seems to be countable; consider using: "many opportunities".
many opportunity
to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working environment with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
positions. It is superior to at
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a clerk" or simply "clerks"?
a clerks
always work in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
opportunity to discover themselves. Through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs, they will be
Consider using the past participle "obtained"?
obtain
knowledge, practical and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
become qualified employees.

However
, the staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have the qualifications as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
require without having to invest capital.
Hence
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in work
as well
as less pressure than leaders.

For instance
, if unfortunately a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
falls into trouble and goes bankrupt, the person who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and the biggest consequence is the founder of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. They are responsible for themselves and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belong to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Although they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excellent, they
also
suffer from failure and lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money matters. And employees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they have the ability, they will
easily
for a job in another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To sum up, achieving success is not easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if a person who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
capacity and capital to invest and collaborate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up, it will be brave and proud, or someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chooses", "chose".
choose
the direction for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves to contribute and boost economic development
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IELTS essay Some people prefer working for a company while others want to be self-employed.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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