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Numerous people believe that children should be taught that to reach a goal they ought to endeavour adequately. This tip, from my perspective, will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on kids and their future consequently.

Numerous people believe that children should be taught that to reach a goal they ought to endeavour adequately. This tip, from my perspective, will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on kids and their future consequently. m920N
Numerous people believe that children should be taught that to reach a goal they ought to endeavour adequately. This tip, from my perspective, will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on kids and their future consequently. The main drawback of the idea, achieving a goal based on the mere personal attempt, is that they might suppose that they are left alone without any support. Parents and teachers might assume that the kids do not need any help of them, thereby it is inspired to children just loneliness, and it will have thoroughly adverse impacts on their future. Furthermore, if the kids cannot gain their aims, despite trying hard for them, they will probably have a sense of disappointing. For instance, a boy or a girl who has exercised days and nights to get a gold medal in a competition at school, but they were not successful at this, hence they feel dejected. While in these situations a piece of advice from a mentor before competitions could be absolutely useful for them. Despite the drawbacks aforementioned above, persuading youth to work hard for their aims have some benefits. Firstly, they learn to attempt religiously for their hopes, looking up different sources or doing physical activities are examples of the way that they should go through. Secondly, being independent is another achievement that parents are looking forward to seeing in their upbringing manners. Finally, when a kid is successful to gain something such as a good mark, reading a book completely or being a champion in a contest, it can boost their conscientiousness, and they will become more aware of their confidence. It will definitely help them find better job positions when they grow older. In conclusion, while I recognize the possible disadvantages of this trend, I consider it to be a positive development overall, and the benefits do outweigh the shortcomings.
Numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that children should
be taught
that to reach a goal they ought to
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
adequately
. This tip, from my perspective, will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and their future
consequently
.

The main drawback of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, achieving a goal based on the mere personal attempt, is that they might suppose that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone without any support. Parents and teachers might assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of them, thereby it
is inspired
to children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
loneliness, and it will have
thoroughly
adverse impacts on their future.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
cannot gain their aims, despite trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them, they will
probably
have a sense of disappointing.
For instance
, a boy or a girl who has exercised days and nights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a gold medal in a competition at school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they were not successful at this,
hence
they feel dejected. While in these situations a piece of advice from a mentor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
competitions could be
absolutely
useful for them.

Despite the drawbacks aforementioned above, persuading youth to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their aims have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
, they learn to attempt
religiously
for their hopes, looking up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources or doing physical activities are examples of the way that they should go through.
Secondly
, being independent is another achievement that parents are looking forward to seeing in their upbringing manners.
Finally
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is successful to gain something such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mark, reading a book completely or being a champion in a contest, it can boost their conscientiousness, and they will become more aware of their confidence. It will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find better job positions when they grow older.

In conclusion
, while I recognize the possible disadvantages of this trend, I consider it to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
overall
, and the benefits do outweigh the shortcomings.
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IELTS essay Numerous people believe that children should be taught that to reach a goal they ought to endeavour adequately. This tip, from my perspective, will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on kids and their future consequently.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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