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There are many doctors who believe lots of mental & physical problems may arise from this activities. In this essay I'm going to describe some of these problems & suggest some remedies

There are many doctors who believe lots of mental & physical problems may arise from this activities. In this essay I'm going to describe some of these problems & suggest some remedies D6aVE
There is no doubt that children and young people are concern with high use of computer games. There are many doctors who believe lots of mental & physical problems may arise from this activities. In this essay I'm going to describe some of these problems & suggest some remedies. One of the major problems caused by high use of computer games is physical injuries related to the skeleton of human body. However, children are just sitting down & don't use of their muscles but it can be so harmful because they only use of some of their muscles such as fingers while other parts of the body is completely still for a long period of time and both of these can cause serious physical problems. Nevertheless there are some practical and useful remedies, for instance, they can reducing the time of playing or even pause the game and do some indoor exercises. Furthermore, playing video games continously not only harm physically but also may damage mentally by effect on children's brain. Because of a various types of games which are related to war and also contain many frightening scenes after a long time children might have brutal behaviors which are out of their control in addition these behaviors can be dangerous for society. So they must reduce the time that spends for these activities and aslo gaming companies must make an effort to produce less brutal games. In conclusion, computer has many benefits in our modern life but highly usage of it may cause serious & harmful problems to our body & brain. By using the solutions which are mentioned above we can eliminate these effects.
There is no doubt that children and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concern with high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors who believe lots of mental & physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
may arise from
Did you mean "these"?
this
activities. In this essay I'm going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
& suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies.

One of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is physical injuries related to the skeleton of human body.
However
, children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting down & don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their muscles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their muscles such as fingers while other parts of the body is completely
still
for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and both of these can cause serious physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical and useful remedies,
for instance
, they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "reduce"
reducing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of playing or even pause the game and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
indoor exercises.

Furthermore
, playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harm
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
may damage mentally by effect on children's brain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "type"?
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
are related
to war and
also
contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
frightening scenes after a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
children might have brutal behaviors which are out of their control
in addition
these behaviors can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that spends for these activities and
Possible spelling mistake found.
aslo
gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to produce less brutal games.

In conclusion
, computer has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits in our modern life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
highly
usage of it may cause serious & harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to our body & brain. By using the solutions which
are mentioned
above we can eliminate these effects.
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IELTS essay There are many doctors who believe lots of mental & physical problems may arise from this activities. In this essay I'm going to describe some of these problems & suggest some remedies

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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