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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? X12P
Music is one of the people’s requirements because it is the way of expressing their emotions and the language of their soul and today’s world holds various kinds of music such as traditional and international. Although traditional music is very important because of being part of the country’s culture, in my opinion, international music is more important in this global world because of its comprehensiveness. On the one hand, traditional music is very critical because it is a common core value of people. It contains the history of the country. For example, in Turkey, we frequently sing anthem of İzmir when we come together. Because all of us know this anthem and it is part of our culture. On the other hand, international music is crucial for people. People feel them more individual nowadays and want to have common things in all around the world. Since this kind of music is universal, it is a good way of socializing and meeting new people. In addition, music, which is one of the 7 fine arts, is a way to describe or understand beauty. Mozart and Michael Jackson are good examples of universal music which can be known by all over the world. To conclude, music heals the soul and I think that is a good explanation as to why it is so essential for human being. I cannot think a world without music. Two types of music, traditional and international, are good examples of how music brings people together. While traditional music is momentous for people who value their culture and common national factors, I opine that, international music is more significant because it affects more people and it is widespread and creates more connectivity.
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Music
is one of the
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people’s
requirements
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because
it is the way of expressing their emotions and the language of their soul and
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today
’s
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world
holds various kinds of
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music
such as
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traditional
and
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international
. Although
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traditional
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music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being part of the country’s culture, in my opinion,
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international
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music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this global
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world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its comprehensiveness.

On the one hand,
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
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very
critical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a common core value of
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people
. It contains the history of the country.
For example
, in Turkey, we
frequently
sing anthem of
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İzmir
when we c
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ome
together. B
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ecause
all of us know this anthem and it is part of our culture.

O
n the other hand,
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international
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music
is crucial for p
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eople.
P
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
feel them more individual nowadays and want to have common things in all around the
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world
. Since this kind of
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music
is universal, it is a g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ood
way of socializing and meeting new p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople.
I
n addition,
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music
, which is one of the 7 fine arts, is a way to d
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
escribe
or understand beauty. Mozart and Michael Jackson are g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ood
examples of universal
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music
which can
be known
by all over the world.

T
o conclude,
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music
heals the soul and I t
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hink
t
hat is
a g
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ood
explanation as to why it is s
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o
essential for human being. I cannot t
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hink
a
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world
without
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music
. Two types of
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music
,
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traditional
and
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international
, are g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ood
examples of how
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music
brings p
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eople
together. While
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is momentous for p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
who value their culture and common national factors, I opine that,
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international
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music
is more significant b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ecause
it affects more p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
and it is widespread and creates more connectivity.
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IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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