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There are harmful results of full day . Are you agree or disagree with notion?

There are harmful results of full day. Are you agree or disagree with notion? 1oVON
In this cutting edge era, there are several other social consequences in nation with the maximum total working periods. In my opinion the given proposition appears to be rational. This essay with elaborate my further views of favouring this notion and would lead to a logical conclusion. To commence with, the inevitable underlying social impacts of this situation. The first and the foremost factor is that individuals are unable to spend quality of time with their parents and children due to which they are not in a condition to nurture their child in their presence. Also, they do not possess cordial relationship with their parents. Moreover, they do not get opportunities to interact with their society people due to which they lack in socialization. Secondly, hectic routines of their work do not allow them to be active in social media sources such as YouTube, Facebook and Instagram etcetera. This is also a reason behind their poor image in locality. There are another striking results of this situation as they suffer from stress and depression which is caused by by the pressure of work. Sometimes this stress lead to many other types of melodies like blockage of brain nerve diabetes and so on. Beside this, they possess poor physical fitness as they are not much indulged in activities related to health care. mMoreover, people who spent their maximum time in work do not get time to traverse their own locality areas due to which they are unaware about the political and social issues of their society. To recapitulate, I once again reaffirm my position that I utterly agree with the given notion and believe that working individual for long period of time ought to illuminate their own life also.
In this cutting edge era, there are several other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
consequences in nation with the maximum total working periods. In my opinion the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proposition appears to be rational. This essay with elaborate my
further
views of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
this notion and would lead to a logical conclusion. To commence with, the inevitable underlying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
impacts of this situation. The
first
and the foremost factor is that individuals are unable to spend quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents and children due to which they are not in a condition to nurture their child in their presence.
Also
, they do not possess cordial relationship with their parents.
Moreover
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunities to interact with their society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to which they lack in socialization.
Secondly
, hectic routines of their work do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to be active in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sources such as YouTube, Facebook and Instagram etcetera. This is
also
a reason behind their poor image in locality. There are another striking results of this situation as they suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression which
is caused
Possible typo: you repeated a word
by by
the pressure of work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other types of melodies like blockage of brain nerve diabetes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Beside this, they possess poor physical fitness as they are not much indulged in activities related to health care.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
mMoreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who spent their maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in work do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to traverse their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
locality areas due to which they are unaware about the political and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues of their society. To recapitulate, I once again reaffirm my position that I
utterly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion and believe that working individual for long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
ought to illuminate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life
also
.
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IELTS essay There are harmful results of full day. Are you agree or disagree with notion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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