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The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

In many big cities, there are many shopping centres that have been established and where it is possible to find not only shops, but also plenty of restaurants, cinemas and entertaining areas. These places particularly attract young people who spend their leisure time there, walking without a purpose. It is often claimed that this trend should be considered a social problem and, to my way of thinking, it is. The consequences of this tendency on young people are various. Firstly, the more time they spend there, the less they have to practice sports. This could be considered one of the explanations of overweight among the youngest. Secondly, it is not an efficient way of spending their own free time. in order to deeply understand the problem, we should consider what alternative activities they could do. For instance, they could study or partecipate to extra courses, improving their knowledges and skills. Moreover, they could find a job that could help them to become more independent. Many people often claim that parents should let teenagers do what they prefer during their free time. That is true up to a point because parents have the duty to educate children, giving them the opportunity to learn and, one day, become good citizens. If young people are alienated from reality in a huge shopping centre spending their entire life there, it is a problem. As a result, they could learn wrong values, namely the importance of appearence or being rich. In conclusion, young people should learn to find a balance between shopping centres and other activities. They should cultivate more interests in their leisure time, thinking about themselves, their education and health.
In
many
big
cities, there are
many
shopping
centres
that have
been established
and where it is possible to find not
only
shops,
but
also
plenty
of restaurants, cinemas and entertaining areas. These places
particularly
attract
young
people
who spend their leisure
time
there, walking without a purpose. It is
often
claimed that this trend should
be considered
a social problem and, to my way of thinking, it is.

The consequences of this tendency on
young
people
are various.
Firstly
, the more
time
they spend there, the less they
have to
practice sports. This could
be considered
one of the explanations of overweight among the youngest.
Secondly
, it is not an efficient way of spending their
own
free
time
.
in
order to
deeply
understand the problem, we should consider what alternative activities they could do.
For instance
, they could study or
partecipate
to extra courses, improving their
knowledges
and
skills
.
Moreover
, they could find a job that could
help
them to become more independent.

Many
people
often
claim that parents should
let
teenagers
do what they prefer during their free
time
.
That is
true up to a point
because
parents have the duty to educate children, giving them the opportunity to learn and, one day, become
good
citizens. If
young
people
are alienated
from reality in a huge shopping
centre
spending their entire life there, it is a problem.
As a result
, they could learn
wrong
values,
namely
the importance of
appearence
or being rich.

In conclusion
,
young
people
should learn to find a balance between shopping
centres
and other activities. They should cultivate more interests in their leisure
time
, thinking about themselves, their education and health.
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IELTS essay The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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