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Dangerous sports should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

JIn the human society, sports are very popular almost every single sport. Though many sports are popular, a lot of different sports can be classified as 'dangerous'. For example, rugby. It is inevitable that dangerous sports should not be banned, because first in the sport is not 100% going to be injured or harmed. Secondly, because people have the right to play any sport of their choice at any time in an appropriate manner. Firstly, in any sport including dangerous sports, not necessarily a player is going to get injured or harmed each time they play; and can be played safely. For example, if Bob loves to play rugby and he got smashed in the face yesterday. The next day nothing had happened to anyone. This shows inconsistency, as nobody got smashed in the face that day. Moreover, dangerous sports should not be banned because everyone has the right to play any sport they like at any time. Nobody can stop another person with the passion of playing a sport, or if they want to play that sport. Those opposed, say that dangerous sports are a disaster because it can bring death or serious injury at any time. Although this may be the case, death and serious injury are very rare, and sometimes there can be a result with no injury at all. In conclusion, dangerous sports should not be banned because not every time an injury can occur, and players can fortunately get rewarded with no injury. Furthermore, everyone has the right to play a sport whenever they want
Possible spelling mistake found.
JIn
the human society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular almost every single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be classified
as '
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
'.
For example
, rugby. It is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be banned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
first
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not 100% going to
be injured
or harmed.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
of their choice at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Consider replacing this phrase with the adverb “appropriately” to avoid wordiness.
in an appropriate manner
.

Firstly
, in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, not
necessarily
a player is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injured or harmed each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
; and can
be played
safely
.
For example
, if Bob
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rugby and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
smashed in the face yesterday. The
next
day nothing had happened to anyone. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
inconsistency, as nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
smashed in the face that day.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone has the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they like at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Nobody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
another person with the passion of playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, or if they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
that sport.

Those opposed, say that
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dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a disaster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can bring death or serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although this may be the case, death and serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there can be a result with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
at all.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
can occur, and players can
fortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewarded with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
.
Furthermore
, everyone has the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
whenever they want
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IELTS essay Dangerous sports should be banned.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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