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The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? JoVka
The vast majority of humans today use social media instead of real life meetings. Furthermore, they replaced bars, restaurants and parks which were general platforms for communication for people 20-30 years ago. From my point of view, these changes are inevitable, right now we must pay more attention to usage of our private data inside of these modern media giants and their security, however these applications and websites help us to stay in touch with our relatives and friends remotely, and this benefit is overweighting any disadvantages. On the one hand, without IT companies and their product, we wouldn’t be able to communicate with various people around the globe. Furthermore, if they didn’t create these platforms, we would live totally diverse and not as rapid lives. For instance, previously if you hadn’t met a person in real life, for you even to find out how he or she looks, you would have to wait for a letter with portraits and it would take a long time to figure out the interlocutor’s appearance. From my point of view, if somebody has survived without social media until now, he must have been living in the jungle with wild wolves or he is an ordinary retiree. On the other hand, if our personal interests and preferences are property of IT corporations they could use it however they wish. Moreover, we must care about it, because our data is the most expensive product on the market and that’s why protection of it is an important business. For example, if you were using the same password for your bank account, instagram and on your school sport forum and hackers hijacked your parole once, they would have access for a bunch of resources. Generally, double authentication or diverse passwords could help you to avoid troubles like these, but if there were some sort of leakage from database that’s an area of IT companies responsibility. To conclude, without social media our world would be more divided, parents would have no opportunity to communicate with their kids abroad, friendships would be over after someone's job offer from abroad. To be honest, this risk of cyber attacks on different services only supports us to improve the security of our data, and I’m sure that IT giants grow their protection faster than hackers finding breaches in it.
The vast majority of humans
today
use
social
media
instead
of real life meetings.
Furthermore
, they replaced bars, restaurants and parks which were general platforms for communication for
people
20-30 years ago. From my point of view, these
changes
are inevitable, right
now
we
must
pay more attention to usage of our private data
inside of
these modern
media
giants and their security,
however
these applications and websites
help
us to stay in touch with our relatives and friends
remotely
, and this benefit is
overweighting
any disadvantages.

On the one hand, without IT
companies
and their product, we wouldn’t be able to communicate with various
people
around the globe.
Furthermore
, if they didn’t create these platforms, we would
live
totally
diverse and not as rapid
lives
.
For instance
, previously if you hadn’t met a person in real life, for you even to find out how he or she looks, you would
have to
wait for a letter with portraits and it would take a long time to figure out the interlocutor’s appearance. From my point of view, if somebody has survived without social
media
until
now
, he
must
have been living in the jungle with wild
wolves or
he is an ordinary retiree.

On the other hand
, if our personal interests and preferences are property of IT corporations they could
use
it
however
they wish.
Moreover
, we
must
care about it,
because
our data is the most expensive product on the market and that’s why protection of it is an
important
business.
For example
, if you were using the same password for your bank account,
instagram
and on your school sport forum and hackers hijacked your parole once, they would have access for a bunch of resources.
Generally
, double authentication or diverse passwords could
help
you to avoid troubles like these,
but
if there were
some
sort of leakage from database that’s an area of IT
companies
responsibility.

To conclude
, without social
media
our world would be more divided, parents would have no opportunity to communicate with their kids abroad, friendships would be over after someone's job offer from abroad. To be honest, this
risk
of
cyber attacks
on
different
services
only
supports us to
improve
the security of our data, and I’m sure that IT giants grow their protection faster than hackers finding breaches in it.
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IELTS essay The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact with many people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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