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The use of phones, tablets and other devices when people are walking in public is causingconcern among many commentators. What dangers may arise when people focus on such deviceswhen walking in the street? How could these problems be reduced?

The use of phones, tablets and other devices when people are walking in public is causingconcern among many commentators. What dangers may arise when people focus on such deviceswhen walking in the street? How could these problems be reduced? yXDWd
As hand-held devices become almost universal in our society, the number of accidents related to their use is increasing accordingly, in addition to various social dangers. I will outline two such risks, and also two possible counter-measures we could take. Firstly, the greatest danger is surely the possibility of people failing to pay attention to their surroundings when they use such items while walking along pavements, public areas and streets. By diverting all their attention (both visual and in most cases mental) onto their device, the users may bump into other people, fall over uneven surfaces or even step into traffic lanes, with potentially fatal results. A few deaths among teenagers in the UK, for example, is attributable to this cause each year. A second problem must be the rather anti-social nature of people focussing all their thoughts on a device, to the exclusion of others around them, who may need help or guidance as much as basic courtesy. The increasingly impolite atmosphere in many public spaces may well be connected to this phenomenon. Turning to possible solutions, it would be helpful to see a joint initiative between the authorities and mobile phone producers to raise public awareness of these risks. Such a programme could take many forms, ranging from advertising to dedicated classes in schools and colleges, and could be aimed at both the problem of accidents and the unsociable nature of excessive device usage, which would make it very cost-effective. A further solution may be to install warning mechanisms on these devices, which detect when traffic or obstacles are nearby so that the user does not walk blindly into danger. Such systems already exist in cars to alert drivers to impending trouble or the need to change direction. Overall, the dangers in this situation are both physical and social. Potential remedies may involve better education and enhanced danger detection along the lines already used successfully in motor vehicles.
As hand-held
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
become almost universal in our society, the number of accidents related to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is increasing
accordingly
,
in addition
to various social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangers
. I will outline two such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, and
also
two possible counter-measures we could take.

Firstly
, the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
danger
is
surely
the possibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
failing to pay attention to their surroundings when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such items while walking along pavements, public areas and streets. By diverting all their attention (both visual and
in most cases
mental) onto their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, the users may bump into other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, fall over uneven surfaces or even step into traffic lanes, with
potentially
fatal results. A few deaths among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in the UK,
for example
, is attributable to this cause each year. A second problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the
rather
anti-social nature of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
focussing all their thoughts on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, to the exclusion of others around them, who may need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or guidance as much as basic courtesy. The
increasingly
impolite atmosphere in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public spaces may well
be connected
to this phenomenon.

Turning to possible solutions, it would be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a joint initiative between the authorities and mobile phone producers to raise public awareness of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. Such a
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
could take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms, ranging from advertising to dedicated classes in schools and colleges, and could
be aimed
at both the problem of accidents and the unsociable nature of excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
usage, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cost-effective. A
further
solution may be to install warning mechanisms on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, which detect when traffic or obstacles are nearby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the user does not walk
blindly
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
danger
. Such systems already exist in cars to alert drivers to impending trouble or the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
direction.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangers
in this situation are both physical and social. Potential remedies may involve better education and enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
danger
detection along the lines already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
successfully
in motor vehicles.
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IELTS essay The use of phones, tablets and other devices when people are walking in public is causingconcern among many commentators. What dangers may arise when people focus on such deviceswhen walking in the street? How could these problems be reduced?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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