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Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a lot of toys?

Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a lot of toys? awJWX
Some children are given a number of toys by their parents. This is said to lead to those youngsters not only becoming independent of their parents fast but also avoiding being bullied, while this can cause great financial burden on their parents and hamper the development of their imagination. Looking first at the advantages of providing children with a lot of toys, this accelerates their independence. This is because their faith in their parents grows fast, making them feel that whenever they are in trouble, their parents will help them. As a result, they try to do anything on their own. Another merit is that the more toys youngsters own, the less likely they are to be bullied. I read in the newspaper that young people have the predisposition to be attracted to those having what they don’t, and that giving children a number of toys can prevent them from becoming the target of bullying. Turning to the disadvantages, more toys can mean heavier financial burden on parents. The following incident was reported in Japan; a father run out of money, but his son pestered him to buy a video game he hoped for, which resulted in the father robbing an old lady of her purse and being arrested for the crime. Besides, giving a lot of toys prevents children from being imaginative. If they have few toys, they will try to do anything to enjoy themselves with the limited number of toys. However, surrounded by a number of toys, youngsters will be deprived of the chance. To conclude, being purchased a lot of toys enables youngsters to cultivate their self-dependence and to avoid being bullied, but at the same time, it can be a great cause of monetary burden on parents and the dearth of children’s imagination.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This
is said
to lead to those youngsters not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
becoming independent of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
avoiding
being bullied
, while this can cause great financial burden on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and hamper the development of their imagination.

Looking
first
at the advantages of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, this accelerates their independence. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their faith in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
grows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, making them feel that whenever they are in trouble, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
As a result
, they try to do anything on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Another merit is that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, the less likely they are to
be bullied
. I read in the newspaper that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the predisposition to
be attracted
to those having what they don’t, and that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from becoming the target of bullying.

Turning to the disadvantages, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can mean heavier financial burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The following incident
was reported
in Japan; a father run out of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his son pestered him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a video game he hoped for, which resulted in the father robbing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
lady of her purse and
being arrested
for the crime.
Besides
, giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from being imaginative. If they have few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, they will try to do anything to enjoy themselves with the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
However
, surrounded by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, youngsters will
be deprived
of the chance.

To conclude
, being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
enables youngsters to cultivate their self-dependence and to avoid
being bullied
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, it can be a great cause of monetary burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
imagination.
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IELTS essay Some parents buy a lot of toys for their children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having a lot of toys?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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