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The two pie charts below show the percentage of industry sectors’s contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016. v.2

The two pie charts below show the percentage of industry sectors’s contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016. v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the information about the proportion of contribution to the economy of Turkey by 8 various sectors during 2000 and 2016. In overall, agriculture, healthcare and education constituted a major industrial fields which contribute for economy; whereas, construction, finance business and other contributing least percentage. It can be seen from the information that contribution to the economy by agriculture sector accounted nearly a quarter in 2000; whilst, it declined at 14% during 2016 in particular nation. In addition to this, construction contributed for economy had experienced a rise of more than three fold of the total percentage between 2000 and 2016 in Turkey. Interestingly, contribution by healthcare and education remained relatively consistent at 17% in both years. Apart from that, there were a 4% of an increase can be observed in contribution of manufacturing field. The charts further prove that proportion of trade, utilities and transportation had experienced a two percent growth from 2000 to 2016 in specific region. Moreover, a fell of 3% can be noticed in contribution to economy by leisure and hospitality and government sectors in Turkey. Lastly, finance business and other contribution to the economy of Turkey were found 8% and 5% respectively during 2016 and 2000.
The pie charts illustrate the information about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of Turkey by 8 various sectors during 2000 and 2016.

In
overall
, agriculture, healthcare and education constituted a major industrial fields which contribute for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
; whereas, construction, finance business and other contributing
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
percentage.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the information that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
by agriculture sector accounted
nearly
a quarter in 2000; whilst, it declined at 14% during 2016
in particular
nation.
In addition
to this, construction contributed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
had experienced a rise of more than
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
three fold
of the total percentage between 2000 and 2016 in Turkey.
Interestingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
by healthcare and education remained
relatively
consistent at 17% in both years. Apart from that, there were a 4% of an increase can
be observed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
of manufacturing field.

The charts
further
prove that proportion of trade, utilities and transportation had experienced a two percent growth from 2000 to 2016 in specific region.
Moreover
, a fell of 3% can
be noticed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
by leisure and hospitality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors in Turkey.
Lastly
, finance business and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of Turkey
were found
8% and 5%
respectively
during 2016 and 2000.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay The two pie charts below show the percentage of industry sectors’s contribution to the economy of Turkey in 2000 and 2016. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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