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The TV, music and friends have great mpact on the development on the child. Some think the family has great impact .Discuss and give your opinions

The TV, music and friends have great mpact on the development on the child. Some think the family has great impact. Discuss and give your opinions GM9D2
The issue of the factors that influence the development of the child remains a tropical debate. Some people believe that friends, music, and TV has greater impact, whilst some say it is the family which has greater impact. In this essay, i am going to discuss both sides of the argument and also give my opinion. Those who support the ideat that the TV, music and friends have a more contributions on the growth of the child, have the belief that a child learn new things from relationship such as friendship. For example, if a child plays with a bully, the child has a higher chance of becoming a bully also. Furthermore, they stated that television programs have also an influence on the child, as the child watches certain programs learning will also be taking place. As a result, a child who enjoys violent movies can easily turn to be violent. Last but not least, they said, music is also a form of socialisation, a child will end up behaving in line with the music he or she enjoys. For example those who enjoy music from Lucky Dube they may end up being Rastafarians. On the the other hand, some are of the idea that, family has more influence because the family is responsible of controlling everything in the child's life including friends, music and TV channels to be watched. To add more, the child usually trust his or her parents and siblings more than anyone else. Due to that, the child takes his or parents as his or her role model and mentor. Owing to this the child can easily copy either the parents' behavior or thevbehaviour of other siblings. A case in point, if a child was brought up by abusive parents the child has higher chances of becoming abusive to his or her family. For the reasons stated above, one can safely say, the family has a greater influence during the early stages of the child's life. In conclusion, i personally think the greatest impact lies in the hands of the family since they are able to control each and every aspect of the child's life.
The issue of the factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
remains a tropical debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and TV has greater impact, whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which has greater impact. In this essay,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am going to discuss both sides of the argument and
also
give my opinion.

Those who support the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ideat
that the TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and friends have a more
The usual preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean "contributions to"?
contributions on
the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, have the belief that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
learn new things from relationship such as friendship.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
plays with a bully, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has a higher chance of becoming a bully
also
.
Furthermore
, they stated that television programs have
also
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
certain programs learning will
also
be taking place.
As a result
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who enjoys violent movies can
easily
turn to be violent. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, they said,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
a form of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up behaving in line with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
he or she enjoys.
For example
those who enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from Lucky
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dube
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being Rastafarians.

On
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
controlling everything in the child's life including friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and TV channels to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
usually
trust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
parents and siblings more than anyone else. Due to that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
takes his or parents as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
role model and mentor. Owing to this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
easily
copy either the parents' behavior or
Possible spelling mistake found.
thevbehaviour
of other siblings. A case in point, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
was brought
up by abusive parents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has higher chances of becoming abusive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. For the reasons stated above, one can
safely
say, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
during the early stages of the child's life.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the greatest impact lies in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
since they are able to control each and every aspect of the child's life.
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IELTS essay The TV, music and friends have great mpact on the development on the child. Some think the family has great impact. Discuss and give your opinions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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