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The trends of students going abroad for studies is increasing, is this an advantage or a disadvantage?

The trends of students going abroad for studies is increasing, is this an advantage or a disadvantage? yXx3g
The trend of students going abroad for study is recently increasing. In my view, I think going to other countries for education have some pitfalls such as adaptation to culture and funding of the cost of education abroad against any disadvantages it might present. Firstly, students who travel to other countries for study may likely encounter culture shock and will find it difficult to get use to the prevailing tradition in their host country. For example, a Nigerian who travels to India for studies may at first get discouraged while trying to get used to the many cultures in India. This is because the student who will daily meet people may find it difficult to relate freely with them because he is ignorant of their way of life. Secondly, funding abroad education has in previous years posed as a threat to abroad studies. Students who travel to US for studies may discover that their budget may not be enough to cover the numerous expenses that may arise during their study period. As a result, they resort to doing some part-time jobs to at least have some cash to take care of their daily needs. This in turn distablizes them and the effect sometimes is seen in their poor academic performance. In conclusion, it is true that there are many merits of oversea studies, its disadvantages such as adaptation to culture and funding of the expenses involved may make the advantages irrelevant.
The trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is recently increasing. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
going to other countries for education have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls such as adaptation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and funding of the cost of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
against any disadvantages it might present.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel to other countries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
may likely encounter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
shock and will find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to the prevailing tradition in their host country.
For example
, a Nigerian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travels to India for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
may at
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discouraged while trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in India. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may find it difficult to relate
freely
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is ignorant of their way of life.

Secondly
, funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
education has in previous years posed as a threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel to US for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
may discover that their budget may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover the numerous expenses that may arise during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
period.
As a result
, they resort to doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time jobs to at least have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cash to take care of their daily needs. This in turn
Possible spelling mistake found.
distablizes
them and the effect
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'is'.
sometimes is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their poor academic performance.

In conclusion
, it is true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits of oversea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, its disadvantages such as adaptation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and funding of the expenses involved may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the advantages irrelevant.

IELTS essay The trends of students going abroad for studies is increasing, is this an advantage or a disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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