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“Teenagers should have part-time jobs in preparation for their future.” Do you agree with this statement? Write a paragraph of 180-200 words to state your viewpoint.

“Teenagers should have part-time jobs in preparation for their future. ” Write a paragraph of 180-200 words to state your viewpoint. jRVKL
In my opinion, I totally agree and strongly approve the idea of taking part-time jobs while you’re still a teen for a few reasons. Firstly, by participating in small tiny jobs in a grocery or a café, you can add some extra money to your pocket. By working to earn your own money, you will become more financially dependent and also know how to manage your income properly. Secondly, starting working these part-time jobs can actually help you to gain precious work experiences and skills for your later careers. Working a small job, you can meet some professionals in those jobs and learn a lot of really valuable knowledge of the fields they are in, along with some important life and social skills. Moreover, you can create new relationships and friends while having these jobs. While taking part in these jobs, you can create new relationships with customers and your co-workers, whom may help you later in adulthood. In brief, part-time jobs are very advantageous for youngsters as a preparation for them into adulthood and you should fill out your free times outside studying that are being wasted with those simple but valuable part-time jobs.
In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and
strongly
approve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while you’re
still
a teen for a few reasons.
Firstly
, by participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in a grocery or a café, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money to your pocket. By working to earn your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money, you will become more
financially
dependent and
also
know how to manage your income
properly
.
Secondly
, starting working these part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to gain precious work experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for your later careers. Working a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
really
valuable knowledge of the fields they are in, along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, you can create new relationships and friends while having these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. While taking part in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, you can create new relationships with customers and your co-workers, whom may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you later in adulthood.
In brief
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for youngsters as a preparation for them into adulthood and you should fill out your free times outside studying that are
being wasted
with those simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
valuable part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
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IELTS essay “Teenagers should have part-time jobs in preparation for their future. ” Write a paragraph of 180-200 words to state your viewpoint.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
195 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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