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The train of fate and the luck of Sue

The train of fate and the luck of Sue JwMWe
When the train arrives at the station, Sue realizes that her life is about to change forever. She knew there was going to be a terrorist attack here and that there was a bomb planted in the car where she was sitting. Sue tried very hard to regain her composure and tried to call the authorities. Unfortunately, the terrorists took the phones of everyone in the car. They've been trying to isolate this carriage and they seem to have a different purpose. Suddenly, Sue was reminded of the bus terror case of the detective series Conan. And surprisingly, they actually had an accomplice and that was one of the last five. From her experience reading detective stories, she was able to free everyone from terrorists and fortunately the bomb did not explode. Sometimes reading stories is also very useful - Sue thought.
When the train arrives at the station,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sue
realizes that her life is about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
forever. She knew there was going to be a terrorist attack here and that there was a bomb planted in the car where she was sitting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sue
tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to regain her composure and tried to call the authorities. Unfortunately, the terrorists took the phones of everyone in the car. They've been trying to isolate this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
carriage and
they seem to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose.
Suddenly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sue
was reminded
of the bus terror case of the detective series Conan. And
surprisingly
, they actually had an accomplice and that was one of the last five. From her experience reading detective stories, she was able to free everyone from terrorists and
fortunately
the bomb did not explode.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
reading stories is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
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IELTS essay The train of fate and the luck of Sue

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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