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The table below show how many tourists from five countries visited Australia in different years from 2006 to 2010. v.1

The table below show how many tourists from five countries visited Australia in different years from 2006 to 2010. v. 1
No one could deny the fact that both the younger’s and the elderly people have various impacts of the society. Nowadays, the amount of teenager’s is greater when compared to the aged population in various regions of the planet. The rest of the essay will examine the pros and cons of the issue. Looking at the positive side, it is obvious that the proportion of contribution to the society of the younger generation is greater when considered with that of the aged population. To be precise, the youngsters play a vital role in the development of the country and the environment as they are more socially active. Moreover, governments do not have to spend more money on elder’s care centre and on pensions and this fund could be spent on Various sectors of the community. For example, parts of the globe with fewer amounts of elders have shown that the excess money being used in the development of the educational systems and the health care sectors of the nations. On the other hand, the elder people is a valuable source of traditions and customs of the past. To be precise, it is undeniable that the current society is moving towards a more sedentary and technological lifestyle and the aged people could provide the teens with the accurate information required to remain on an advantageous path. To conclude, even though elders play an important role in the society, the higher proportion of youngsters is vital for the improvement of the nation as they are more socially productive and reduce the excess money spent of previous and aged care centres.
No one could deny the fact that both the younger’s and the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have various impacts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Nowadays, the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
’s is greater when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
population in various regions of the planet. The rest of the essay will examine the pros and cons of the issue.

Looking at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, it is obvious that the proportion of contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of the younger generation is greater when considered with that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
population. To be precise, the youngsters play a vital role in the development of the country and the environment as they are more
socially
active.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder’s
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and on pensions and this fund could
be spent
on Various sectors of the community.
For example
, parts of the globe with fewer amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
have shown that the excess money being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the development of the educational systems and the health care sectors of the nations.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a valuable source of traditions and customs of the past. To be precise, it is undeniable that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is moving towards a more sedentary and technological lifestyle and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could provide the teens with the accurate information required to remain on an advantageous path.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the higher proportion of youngsters is vital for the improvement of the nation as they are more
socially
productive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the excess money spent of previous and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay The table below show how many tourists from five countries visited Australia in different years from 2006 to 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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