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Children should never be educated at home by their parents Do you agree or disagree Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this v.1

Children should never be educated at home by their parents Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this v. 1
In spite of the hazards associated with their use, the number of people keeping the cell phone is rising steeply nowadays. Whether, the law should limit their purchase to a required basis, is debated. Keeping in view the necessity of all time communication and the rights of citizens, the suggested embargo cannot be agreed upon, so, I disagree. This essay will outline the deleterious effects of well being and community problems first, followed by the major reasons against any ban. On the one hand, opinion proposing restriction on keeping cell phones says that they disrupt the health state. People remain committed on mobiles till very late hours at night, leading to disturbed day cycle, which actually causes lethargy and tiredness. Ultimately, work output of the individuals is compromised. Moreover, the content access leads to volatile personality in the youth. Thus they can cause rifts in the society, as the individuals may get motivated by the horror scenes. One study of the UK schools showed that 30% of the students had their attitudes influenced by the content available on the internet, which they had easy approach. However, I think that both of the above mentioned issues can be tackled by raising the tariffs on the calls and internet usage. On the other hand, despite the above noted drawbacks, the benefits outweigh them. The first is that the phones are now essential requirements. They give an instant contact facility, in that, the persons can inform their families about any delay or change in their plan. This prevents many worries and concerns. For Instance, in the past when phones were not available, there was a lot of stress in waiting the members till they had arrived back. Secondly, restriction on buying something is against the basic citizenship rights. How can a state, select some people and allow them to have a facility and restricting others, when all have a need and can afford to keep it? The supreme court's 2016 decision regarding purchase rights of the natives is an instance in this aspect. In summary, the public custodies of the cell phones are grossly rising and cannot be barred as they now are the important needs of the dwellers who own a basic right to buy them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the hazards associated with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
keeping the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is rising
steeply
nowadays. Whether, the law should limit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
to a required basis,
is debated
. Keeping in view the necessity of all time communication and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
of citizens, the suggested embargo cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
upon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I disagree. This essay will outline the deleterious effects of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and community problems
first
, followed by the major reasons against any ban.

On the one hand, opinion proposing restriction on keeping cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
says that they disrupt the health state.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
remain committed on mobiles till
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late hours at night, leading to disturbed day cycle, which actually causes lethargy and tiredness.
Ultimately
, work output of the individuals
is compromised
.
Moreover
, the content access leads to volatile personality in the youth.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they can cause rifts in the society, as the individuals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated by the horror scenes. One study of the UK schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 30% of the students had their attitudes influenced by the content available on the internet, which they had easy approach.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both of the above mentioned issues can
be tackled
by raising the tariffs on the calls and internet usage.

On the other hand
, despite the above noted drawbacks, the benefits outweigh them. The
first
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
essential requirements. They give an instant contact facility, in that, the persons can inform their families about any delay or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their plan. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
worries and concerns.
For Instance
, in the past when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were not available, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in waiting the members till they had arrived back.
Secondly
, restriction on buying something is against the basic citizenship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. How can a state, select
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to have a facility and restricting others, when all have a need and can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it? The supreme court's 2016 decision regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
of the natives is an instance in this aspect.

In summary, the public
Possible spelling mistake found.
custodies
of the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
grossly
rising and cannot
be barred
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
needs of the dwellers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should never be educated at home by their parents Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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