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The story of My piano playing

The story of My piano playing 7JjD3
I hadn't piano lessons when I was a child. In 2009 and when I was 22, I saw a film entitled "The pianist". The film impressed me, and I knew that I love playing the piano. As you know, this age is too late to start playing the piano. However, I tried to look for a piano class with a good teacher, and soon after that, I found a famous pianist in Shiraz (my city) to teach me how to play the piano. So, my piano playing story was started, and due to my progress in the class 2 months later, my teacher asked me to buy a piano for myself. Unfortunately, all kinds of acoustic pianos were expensive at that time. However, finally, I found an incredible black piano with installment payment. I never forget the night that my piano was brought to our home. A fantastic black piano with 52 white keys and 36 black keys. The piano class and its exercises were excited. I tried to play well, and I continued my study for almost 12 months. In 2010, my piano lessons ended suddenly due to my unexpected migration to another city for my studying master of Science. Although I couldn't continue my class anymore due to my lessons and projects during my master's and Ph. D. , I still playing the piano sometimes (especially when I want to be alone and relaxed). During all these years, I had a dream of being a good pianist. To date, there are several ways to learn how to play piano at home (i. e. , online classes). A year ago, and when the pandemic was started, I decided to make my dream come true and make my efforts to become a pianist. However, I still don't have enough time to spend on this hobby. I hope my children can follow up their dreams if they are interested in music or any other arts.
I hadn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
lessons when I was a child. In 2009 and when I was 22, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a film entitled
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The pianist
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. The film impressed me, and I knew that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
. As you know, this age is too late to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
.
However
, I tried to look for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teacher, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after that, I found a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
pianist in Shiraz (my city) to teach me how to play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
story was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, and due to my progress in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
2 months later, my teacher asked me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
for myself. Unfortunately, all kinds of acoustic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pianos
were expensive at that time.
However
,
finally
, I found an incredible black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
with installment payment. I never forget the night that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
was brought
to our home. A fantastic black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
with 52 white keys and 36 black keys. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and its exercises
were excited
. I tried to play well, and I continued my study for almost 12 months. In 2010, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
lessons ended
suddenly
due to my unexpected migration to another city for my studying master of Science. Although I couldn't continue my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
anymore due to my lessons and projects during my master's and
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "Ph.D.".
Ph. D.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
(
especially
when I want to be alone and relaxed).

During all these years, I had a dream of being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pianist. To date, there are several ways to learn how to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piano
at home (
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes)
. A year ago, and when the pandemic was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my efforts to become a pianist.
However
, I
still
don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend on this hobby. I hope my children can follow up their dreams if they
are interested
in music or any other arts.
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IELTS essay The story of My piano playing

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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