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The story and dream about me

The story and dream about me EL91M
Hello my name is mo, I 22 year old, i from thailand, i graduate bachelor at kingmongkuit technology north bangkok, in physic industrial and medical equiment, biomedical engineering branch, I have intership at Ramatibodi hospital and sometime I will help teacher at university and Rajaviti hospital and I have 1 brother. he is dell. my goal, I want to graduate Doctorate in Biomedical Engineering because I have 2 reason to answer. The first Now the world have new virus and other new virus, it kill Many people and Medical device it is best to way used to stop its, Seccond I want to make best student of Biomedical Engineer in the Future Thailand will go to the first in aisa in topic Medical Device. So after I graduate bachelor, I will train English skill and Other Skill to used to graduate Doctorate. Finally I know my dream it is very hard But If I have more train and ambitious than. I will go to my dream complete. but sometime I think to want to live normalize same other people or I want to ordain because I like religion and this is my story. thank you
Hello my name is mo, I 22 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, i from
Possible spelling mistake found.
thailand
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
bachelor at
Possible spelling mistake found.
kingmongkuit
technology north
Possible spelling mistake found.
bangkok
, in physic industrial and medical
Possible spelling mistake found.
equiment
, biomedical engineering branch, I have
Possible spelling mistake found.
intership
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ramatibodi
hospital and sometime I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
teacher at university and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajaviti
hospital and I have 1 brother.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
is dell.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
goal, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
Doctorate in Biomedical Engineering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have 2 reason to answer. The
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the world have new virus and other new virus, it
Did you mean "kills"?
kill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and Medical device it is best to way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
its,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seccond
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
A determiner is probably missing here: "make the best".
make best
student of Biomedical Engineer in the Future Thailand will go to the
first
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
aisa
in topic Medical Device.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
after I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
bachelor, I will train English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
Doctorate.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I know my dream it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
If I have more train and ambitious than. I will go to my dream complete.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
sometime I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
normalize same other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to ordain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I like religion and this is my story.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thank
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
you
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IELTS essay The story and dream about me

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
194 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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