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it is almost impossible to keep our traditions in a gloabal community. To what extend do you agree or disagree

it is almost impossible to keep our traditions in a gloabal community. JKY1k
Obviously, it is true that traditional of each country is important and we need to preserve. But nowadays more and more people are going to go abroad to live or to study. Lots of people will think that we will lose our tradition because of this. I absolutely disagree with this argument. Firstly, they are going to study or live in another country and it does not mean that they leave their country forever. We learn about traditions most in our family. There is no barrier to people to teach children about traditions. A lot of family still has their own traditions custom despite living in another country. Second, preserving does not mean we can not discover a new custom and traditions, know about a new culture will widen our knowledge about that country. Finally, traditions can be preserved in many ways In some country, the citizen always curious about another culture from different country. some city celebrates special holiday not just only about their country but also about a different country in a world. For instance, certain country celebrates Tet Holiday or Chinese New Year which is a traditional holiday in some country in Asia. People now are clearly happy to take on a new traditions rather than losing an old ones. In conclusion, it is obviously true that people are tending to live or study abroad and it will have much more contact between people from different culture than in the past. However, I believe that there is possible to keep our traditions in a global community
Obviously
, it is true that traditional of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
we need to preserve.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going to go abroad to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or to study. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we will lose our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
because of this
.

I
absolutely
disagree with this argument.
Firstly
, they are going to study or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and it does not mean that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
forever. We learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
most in our family. There is no barrier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to teach children about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
family
still
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
custom despite living in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Second, preserving does not mean we can not discover a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
custom and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, know about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture will widen our knowledge about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
can
be preserved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the citizen always curious about another culture from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
city celebrates special holiday not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in a world.
For instance
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
celebrates Tet Holiday or Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Year which is a traditional holiday in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in Asia.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are
clearly
happy to take on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "tradition"?
traditions
rather
than losing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "one"?
ones
.

In conclusion
, it is
obviously
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tending to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or study abroad and it will have much more contact between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture than in the past.
However
, I believe that there is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
in a global community
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IELTS essay it is almost impossible to keep our traditions in a gloabal community.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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