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the societies rules that young people should follow are too strict

the societies rules that young people should follow are too strict 7apgk
In the last two decades, the rules that young people should follow have become a common trend. Some people believe that these rule are too strict; however, there is another substantial body of evidence claims that young adult should obey societies' rule. From a personal perspective, I concur that the latter point of view carries more weight given that these rules have a positive impact on youngsters' personality, safety and contribution. Below I will strive to explain my supporting point in more details. The first and foremost point, today there are an abundance of socities rules that help to enhance youth's behaviors. For instance, in California, there is a probibition of usage alcohols and tobaccor for juniors that less than tweenty one years old. Furthermore, the driving age has increased in some states to eighteen years old, which has reduced cars' accidents in these states drastically. To put it in other words, some socities rules are set on the attention to aware young people no to go down on a dark path. Consequently, socities rules are imperative for youth's attitudes. Next, coupled with safety, proper personality is another benefit of the stricted rules. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on that kids in the developed countries, such as Canada and the US, have a legal protection against bullying. Provided that students are suffer from bullying, it could have a detrimental influence on their attention and confidence. Thus, these rules could be an immadiate stop for a bad behavior. Therefore, rules that children should follow are imperative. Ultimately, contribution is another subtle point that should be born on mind. Likewise, some universities have specific rules to encourage their students to help their communities. A personal example for that, two years ago, one of my friend should do a volunteer work in a nursing home. She did not have enough time to do this job since she had lots of study. Hence, she could not graduate this year because her university had a stricter rule to do specific volunteer hours to garduate. Although she was frustrated at the begining, she felt great after she did this job. Doing a volunteer job not only promote her responsibility, but also her experience. In addition to that, she get accustomed to helping her community. Therefore, some strict rules play a vital role to encourage youngsters to improve their socities. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, the rules that young people should follow nowadays are not strict; on the contrary, they are imperative. It is suggested that young adults should compromise to obey socities' rules.
In the last two decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow have become a common trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
are too strict;
however
, there is another substantial body of evidence claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult should obey societies'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
. From a personal perspective, I concur that the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view carries more weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on youngsters' personality, safety and contribution. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
there are an abundance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
socities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enhance youth's behaviors.
For instance
, in California, there is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
probibition
of usage alcohols and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tobaccor
for juniors that less than
Possible spelling mistake found.
tweenty
one years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Furthermore
, the driving age has increased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states to eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
cars' accidents in these states
drastically
. To put it
in other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
socities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are set
on the attention to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
to go down on a dark path.
Consequently
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
socities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are imperative for youth's attitudes.

Next
, coupled with safety, proper personality is another benefit of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
stricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on that kids in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Canada and the US, have a legal protection against bullying. Provided that students are
Consider using a past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
from bullying, it could have a detrimental influence on their attention and confidence.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
could be an
Possible spelling mistake found.
immadiate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that children should follow are imperative.

Ultimately
, contribution is another subtle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
that should
be born
on mind.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities have specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to encourage their students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their communities. A personal example for that, two years ago, one of my friend should do a volunteer work in a nursing home. She did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to do this job since she had lots of study.
Hence
, she could not graduate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her university had a stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
to do specific volunteer hours to
Possible spelling mistake found.
garduate
. Although she
was frustrated
at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
begining
, she felt great after she did this job. Doing a volunteer job not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
promote her responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
her experience.
In addition
to that, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
accustomed to helping her community.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
play a vital role to encourage youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
socities
.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow nowadays are not strict;
on the contrary
, they are imperative. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should compromise to obey
Possible spelling mistake found.
socities
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
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IELTS essay the societies rules that young people should follow are too strict

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
434 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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