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television has a positive impact on kids or has a negative impact on their behavior

television has a positive impact on kids or has a negative impact on their behavior BJWrj
In the last three decades, television has affected children's behaviors drastically. Some people believe that television has various drawbacks on children's attitudes; however, there is a substantial body of evidence claims that television could benefit children in many life aspects. From a personal perspective, the former point of view carries more weight given that TV influences children's behaviors, grades and health in a negative way. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more details. The first and foremost point, since television has many violent and terrifying shows, it has a detrimental effect on children. Watching these shows could contribute to many aggressive behaviors, nightmares and fear from being harmed. A study done by The American Academy of Pediatrics found that children who watch television for a long time are more likely to commit an act of violence than those who watch less. Consequently, television has a bad effect on kids' manners. Next, coupled with bad behaviors, low grades are another drawback of television. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on that developed countries, such as Canada and the Us have media technology that offers more ways to access TV contents through the internet, iPads or cell phones, which increase time spent watching television. Provided that students spend a long time in front of the TV, they could not focus on their studying, which negatively affects their academic performance. Furthermore, television discourages kids from reading, which is crucial to foster their brain function and promote their ability to think. Therefore, TV has a detrimental effect on young people's mental well-being. Ultimately, children who are accustomed to watching television have low physical fitness. To put it in other words, recently, television has influenced kids' nutritional intake dramatically. Many junk food companies, such as McDonald's and Burger King, target kinds on their advertisements on television. Provided that children are routinely exposed to this kind of food, they could suffer from many diseases, such as juvenile diabetes and high blood pressure. Moreover, this food could add onto young people's weight and eventually lead to obesity. In addition to that, television could increase kids' sedentary lifestyle and take time away from healthy activities, such as soccer and swimming, which need more practice to be skillful. As a result, television has bad effects on children's health. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, televIsion's drawbacks on kids' lives outwEIgh their benefits. Not only because it minimizes young people's academic performance, but also it harms their physical fitness. It suggested that parents control what their kids watch on TV and limit their screen time up to one or two hours daily.
In the last three decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
drastically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has various drawbacks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
attitudes;
however
, there is a substantial body of evidence claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life aspects. From a personal perspective, the former point of view carries more weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that TV influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
, grades and health in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting points in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

The
first
and foremost point, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
violent and terrifying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, it has a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Watching these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
could contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
, nightmares and fear from
being harmed
. A study done by The American Academy of Pediatrics found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are more likely to commit an act of violence than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
less.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids'
manners.

Next
, coupled with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
, low grades are another drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Canada and
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "Us"?
the Us
have media technology that offers more ways to access TV contents through the internet, iPads or cell phones, which increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Provided that students spend a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the TV, they could not focus on their studying, which
negatively
affects their academic performance.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
discourages kids from reading, which is crucial to foster their brain function and promote their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Therefore
, TV has a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental well-being.

Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are accustomed
to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have low physical fitness. To put it
in other words
, recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids'
nutritional intake
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
junk food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, such as McDonald's and Burger King, target kinds on their advertisements on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Provided that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
routinely
exposed to this kind of food, they could suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases, such as juvenile diabetes and high blood pressure.
Moreover
, this food could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
onto young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's weight and
eventually
lead to obesity.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids'
sedentary lifestyle and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away from healthy activities, such as soccer and swimming, which need more practice to be skillful.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
health.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt,
Possible spelling mistake found.
televIsion
's drawbacks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Possible spelling mistake found.
outwEIgh
their benefits. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it minimizes young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's academic performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it harms their physical fitness. It suggested that parents control what their kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV and limit their screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
up to one or two hours daily.
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IELTS essay television has a positive impact on kids or has a negative impact on their behavior

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
441 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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