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The similarities between the internet and television

The similarities between the internet and television MMw9q
Some people think that internet and television are very different from each other on the other hand I see many similar points between them. I would like to explain these similarities in this essay. First of all, there are many things going on all around the world and effect us in many different way hence, we need to keep up with the news. In order to follow the new happenings, announcements and innovations we have to reach the news. Therefore, some of people directly check them on internet while the others watch them on TV. Either this way or that way, we hear from the news and obtain the desired information. Secondly, there are various of trends on social media and it is inevitable not to be aware of them since we see them on TV or find them on internet. To be a part of those conversations or distract our minds for a moment, we turn on TV or surf on internet. Lastly, there are countless of films, series therefore, many channels and online platforms to watch any of them. Furthermore, this became a n industry. Because as we know, everyone needs to relax and have some good spare time. In order to spend their leisure time by having fun, many individual prefer to watch videos. So, they watch them on TV or on internet. As a conclusion, both of them have the similar parts in common and are a way to reach outside of our world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that internet and television are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each other
on the other hand
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
similar points between them. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
these similarities in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things going on all around the world and effect us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way
hence
, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. In order to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
happenings, announcements and innovations we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
them on internet while the others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them on TV. Either this way or that way, we hear from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and obtain the desired information.

Secondly
, there are various of trends on social media and it is inevitable not to be aware of them since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them on TV or find them on internet. To be a part of those conversations or distract our minds for a moment, we turn on TV or surf on internet.

Lastly
, there are
Do not use "of" after "countless". Did you mean "countless films"?
countless of films
, series
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels and online platforms to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
any of them.
Furthermore
, this became
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
n industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
as we know, everyone needs to relax and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
spare time. In order to spend their leisure time by having fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
videos.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them on TV or on internet.

As a conclusion, both of them have the similar parts in common and are a way to reach
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
our world.
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IELTS essay The similarities between the internet and television

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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