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the significant of poor-quality air in megapolises

the significant of poor-quality air in megapolises xaQYy
In the present writing, the topic under scrutiny is the significant of poor-quality air in megapolises. In my humble opinion, I have a firm conviction that there are two obvious reasons contributing to air pollution as explained with example follows: One of the apparent reasons is that car release toxic fume because the engines produce hazardous gases like carbon monoxide (CO). Therefore, the increased car use certainly rises the among of toxic gases and other particles into the environs of metropolises. In Thailand, for example, private automobiles and other mass transports are considered as a major root of air crisis like PM 2. 5. Another important reason is that factories release poison gases because the production process produces fuel combustion. Moreover, the growth of factories definitely increases the among of noxious smoke and other particles into the environs of urban cities. So, …? In summation, although the problem of air pollution is inevitable, it can be traced back to the aforementioned reasons. Consequently, I recommend that the modern generation should be aware of the cause of rancid air and solve them by hipping in the bud.
In the present writing, the topic under scrutiny is
the significant of
poor-quality
air
in
megapolises
. In my humble opinion, I have a firm conviction that there are two obvious
reasons
contributing to
air
pollution as
explained
with example follows:

One of the apparent
reasons
is that car release toxic fume
because
the engines produce hazardous gases like carbon monoxide (CO).
Therefore
, the increased car
use
certainly
rises the among of toxic gases and other particles into the environs of metropolises. In Thailand,
for example
, private automobiles and other mass transports
are considered
as a major root of
air
crisis like PM 2. 5.

Another
important
reason
is that factories release poison gases
because
the production process produces fuel combustion.
Moreover
, the growth of factories definitely increases the among of noxious smoke and other particles into the environs of urban cities.
So
, …?

In summation, although the problem of
air
pollution is inevitable, it can
be traced
back to the aforementioned
reasons
.
Consequently
, I recommend that the modern generation should be aware of the cause of rancid
air
and solve them by hipping in the bud.
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IELTS essay the significant of poor-quality air in megapolises

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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