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the roles of men and women in the family has changed. Give your oipinion.

the roles of men and women in the family has changed. Give your oipinion. d96m2
In recent years, the changes about the role of men and women in the family have become a major issue to the general public. Men give more time to take care of their family and women can pursue their jobs. I completely agree with this development? In my opinion, role changes in modern families bring a number of benefits. It would be great if women could go to work instead of being a housewife. Nowadays, female are more highly educated than before, so they are capable of doing almost as male do. Sometimes, their working performances in some fields are better than male’s. They can pursue their occupation and make their dreams come true. Besides, when they are financially independent, they tend to make their own decisions and take care of themselves better. In addition, children can receive love from both father and mother. Experts advise that children become more intelligent when their father spends more time playing with them. Family members become closer because all men and women often take care of their kids. This helps children to develop emotional aspect in the future. Furthermore, that the role of men and women in the family have changed can lead to a number of merits to the society and they demonstrate a good model of family. First and foremost, when they go to work, they can earn more money and improve the quality of life. It will be increased and then promote the development of society. In conclusion, the changing roles of men and women in the family are a result of wide changes in society and I believe that these developments are desirable.
In recent years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have become a major issue to the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
give more time to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can pursue their jobs. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this development?

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
bring a number of benefits. It would be great if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could go to work
instead
of being a housewife. Nowadays, female are more
highly
educated than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are capable of doing almost as male do.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, their working performances in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields are better than male’s. They can pursue their occupation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.
Besides
, when they are
financially
independent, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and take care of themselves better.
In addition
, children can receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from both father and mother. Experts advise that children become more intelligent when their father spends more time playing with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
members become closer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take care of their kids. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children to develop emotional aspect in the future.

Furthermore
, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
can lead to a number of merits to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they demonstrate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
model of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
First
and foremost, when they go to work, they can earn more money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life. It will
be increased
and then promote the development of society.

In conclusion
, the changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are a result of wide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in society and I believe that these developments are desirable.
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IELTS essay the roles of men and women in the family has changed. Give your oipinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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