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The role of video games in children's upbringing in the modern world.

The role of video games in children's upbringing in the modern world. 1nK3G
A number of people believe that video games are harmful roll of young generations' upbringing and also I agree that it has got damaging effects for children, however, It may be useful for them, if it is used correctly. I will explain that video games are important or unimportant for youth. Firstly, in my opinion young people spend too much time in front of the computers. They are busy playing games. It causes the bad condition of people' health if someone uses long time computer in order to play video games. For instance, my friend is Tony who expended a lot of time for it when he was young as a result lack of his vision. Now he always wears the eyeglasses. Nonetheless, It is appropriate way of relaxing. For example, when I am very tired, I play video games by my mobile phone. It seems very pleasant for me after the hard work. Secondly, it causes to break the culture of the teenagers. Some people are interested in playing harror games consequently the harm of mentality. They get used to the same situation with games such as John who is my classmate, damaged another classmate by joking. It seems usual for him still it was the injury for another one. Despite usefulness of video games which teach us such kind of mathematical issues and chess. It helps to think us and also solve them. In conclusion, I can say that video games are important our life if the teenagers are controlled by their parents or someone. They must put limitations to their children so as to play video games.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are harmful roll of young generations' upbringing and
also
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaging effects for children,
however
, It may be useful for them, if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or unimportant for youth.

Firstly
, in my opinion young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend too much time in front of the computers. They are busy playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It causes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
condition of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
' health if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
long time computer in order to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, my friend is Tony who expended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time for it when he was young
as a result
lack of his vision.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he always wears the eyeglasses. Nonetheless, It is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a appropriate".
appropriate
way of relaxing.
For example
, when I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired, I play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by my mobile phone. It seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant for me after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

Secondly
, it causes to break the culture of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
in playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
harror
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
consequently
the harm of mentality. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the same situation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as John who is my classmate, damaged another classmate by joking. It seems usual for him
still
it was the injury for another one. Despite usefulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which teach us such kind of mathematical issues and chess. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
us and
also
solve them.

In conclusion
, I can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
our life if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are controlled
by their parents or someone. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put limitations to their children
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay The role of video games in children's upbringing in the modern world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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