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The report in the up shows us different statistics about men and women between 1960 and 2000 Overall, when we take a look at the report we see men's degree was high.

The report in the up shows us different statistics about men and women between 1960 and 2000 Overall, when we take a look at the report we see men's degree was high. Wwde
The report in the up shows us different statistics about men and women between 1960 and 2000 Overall, when we take a look at the report we see men's degree was high. On the contrary, women's we are low. But when time passed, statistics has changed a lot. Men's rate of smoking was diminishing. It was 600 in 1960, it was about 590 in 1965. Back in 1970, we could see that it is around 580. In 1975 that was 500 and 1980 it was approximately 480. In 1985 it was 400 and then in 1990, it was nearly 390. Well, it has decreased 300 and almost 250 in 1995 and 2000 respectively. Women's rate of smoking was increasing. Although, there were some fluctuations. That was almost 100 in 1960. But then it was up to about 195 in 1965 and 1970 in respectively. It was around 310 in 1975 and 1980. Ever since it has started to decrease. Firstly diminishing to 300 in 1985. Then about 290 in 1990. In the following years it was almost 210 and 200 between 1995 and 2000.
The report in the up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
statistics about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women between 1960 and 2000

Overall
, when we take a look at the report we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's degree was high.
On the contrary
, women's we are low.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when time passed, statistics has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
's rate of smoking was diminishing.

It was 600 in 1960, it was about 590 in 1965. Back in 1970, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that it is around 580. In 1975 that was 500 and 1980 it was approximately 480. In
The comma is probably missing here: "1985, it".
1985 it
was 400 and then in 1990, it was
nearly
390. Well, it has decreased 300 and almost 250 in 1995 and 2000
respectively
.

Women's rate of smoking was increasing.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations. That was almost 100 in 1960.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
then it was up to about 195 in 1965 and 1970 in
respectively
. It was around 310 in 1975 and 1980. Ever since it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decrease.
Firstly
diminishing to 300 in 1985. Then about 290 in 1990. In the following years it was almost 210 and 200 between 1995 and 2000.
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IELTS essay The report in the up shows us different statistics about men and women between 1960 and 2000 Overall, when we take a look at the report we see men's degree was high.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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